This World Race journey has already been such a whirlwind and I have had different emotions throughout the last few months of officially deciding to do it. Over the last month I have been attempting to order my pack (which was sort of an ordeal in itself) and yesterday it ARRIVED. With excitement and anticipation I went and picked it up and Gabe, the awesome salesman at Alabama Outdoors, shared in my excitement to pick it up “fresh in the packaging” and to celebrate I had Chinese takeout. I also camped out in my living room with my dog in my tent on my sleeping pad after the mental breakdown that ensued upon arrival at my house.
So, I got home and so eagerly took my pack out of the plastic like it was Christmas morning all over again and there, right there in the middle of my living room I felt so beyond overwhelmed. The anxiety flooded me. The worry that THIS is what I was living out of for a year. That THIS looked much bigger and cooler on the shelf of Alabama Outdoors. Questions flooded my heart and mind and I immediately began to wonder what in the world I have gotten myself into. That I have chosen to go around the world for 11 months and live out of this 65L pack. What am I THINKING?? One would think that getting this pack, the most expensive and most important piece of equipment needed for the trip would cause an excitement to go run a mile. Instead, I felt as though there was a cement block on my chest making it hard to breathe. I think I have also heard a heart attack described in this same way.
Here is the said piece of cement that was lying on my chest:
As I do with most things when I feel the anxiety and worry setting in I attempted to give myself a pep talk and pump myself up for what lies ahead. Sometimes I like to think that I am pretty good at psyching myself up for things but on this particular night I was the worst coach EVER. I went into the spare bedroom where the gear that I already have is and began unwrapping it and putting it all into my pack. Thankfully, the Lord chuckled and saw that my weak pep talk wasn’t working and me attempting to put things into my pack was actually doing more harm on my emotions than good. Side note: I didn’t cry, if that’s what you’re wondering. Right then and there He intervened. Right there He reminded that “My grace is sufficient for you.” For now. For this moment and for the moments in the next few months that I don’t feel prepared to leave everything for a year. When I get frustrated attempting to pack ALL my gear for training camp and for actual launch (which has been moved up TEN DAYS to June 27th) His grace is sufficient.
So many times I let my emotions get the best of me. Having “feeler” as part of my personality is both a blessing and a curse and sometimes I can’t get it under control. After a few minutes of a freak out the Lord ever so gently persuaded me to keep packing that pack and to keeping getting excited to go through all the gear that I already have. He encouraged me that this season of life is one where His grace is going to be the only thing that gets me through and it is going to be such a testimony as to how much He cares about the big things in our lives and the minor freak outs that we have.
I am happy to report that I survived that immediate feeling of inadequacy and went on to load my pack and unload it to campout in my living room with my dog. Every day is a day closer to leaving and every day there is a mixture of emotions but every day there is grace for that day and for those moments. I am thankful for His still small voice that is the sweetest encouragement that a girl could ask for. He is my biggest cheerleader and He is yours too. He showed up in my house last night like He was coming to save the world. He treats each of us like we are the only ones on this planet and I pray that you feel His encouragement every day in your lives when the freak outs and meltdowns come because they will. You are enough to parent those kids, to be a good husband or wife, to be a good employee and to be a good fighter in this fight because He is more than enough to make you that way. He has prepared you with all of the things you need to run this race well so don’t give up and don’t let the emotions stop you in your tracks and knock you off course.
Fundraising update: I can’t even write a number because whenever I do another donation comes in which means the number written is out of date. Let’s just say that as of the time I am writing this I am 29% funded. TWENTY-NINE. That is $4,725. Which at this rate will probably be $5,000 by the time I publish this post. Thank you so much to everyone that has been giving and praying for me. I can’t do this without you!
Don’t forget that you can SUPPORT ME up top and you can also go on over to my REGISTRY of all the things I still need, which isn’t much thanks to some very faithful and generous people.
T-SHIRTS ARE DESIGNED AND I AM NOW TAKING ORDERS!
They will be $20 and I will need your money whenever you order. You can give me a check or cash or you can pay though PayPal online!! I have to get as many orders as possible before making an order so tell all the people you know!!!
The verse on the shirt is Psalm 2:8 “Only ask and I will give you the nations as your inheritance, the whole earth as your possession.”
I am also planning a garage sale when the weather gets somewhat warmer outside and am willing to take your spring cleaning items off of your hands so please let me know if you have anything that you would like to donate!
