As I am sitting here with a head cold probably from the smoggy air of India I can’t help but ask the Lord “what are you teaching me this month?” So far, He’s taught me almost half a journal full of things but I want to know the overall thing He is teaching me and will continue to teach me throughout Month 1.
He simply said “I am teaching you how to be broken again.” Because once I was broken. I was broken over the poverty of this world. I was broken over the lost souls of this world. I was broken over the orphan, especially the one with special needs that is thrown out like trash in most countries. I was broken over the hate in this world. I was broken over the hearts of this world. Somewhere in the time of July 2012 and now I’ve lost that brokenness. I have become lethargic in the things that matter and passionate about the things that don’t.
In 2012 I was on a month long mission trip in Central America and some of you know the story of a girl, Ruby, that broke me of everything I thought I knew. In just a moment’s time the Lord showed me my passion for the orphan with special needs. The one that is overlooked like a stray dog. He showed me Isaiah 1:17 and He told me that I am to plead the cause of the orphan. To seek justice. To do good. That is my calling in this life.
Everyday my team and I get the opportunity to go to a new village and pray for people house to house. And everyday there is a Ruby in that village and I walk away with tears in my eyes because my heart hurts. It hurts so much for these people. I want to take these Ruby’s home and give them a better life than what they have. Instead, I have to be content with the fact that I am brought here to pray on their behalf. To put a name with their face so that I can lift them up to my good, good Father that cares for them more than I ever could. I have to pray and walk away and that, my friends, is currently the hardest thing about India.
In America it is easy to ignore the needy. We put them in a box in the “bad part of town” and only drive through there on our way to work. Or we put them in a box “across the tracks” and tell the ones we love to never cross them because it’s dangerous. I worked a job where I went into those boxes and somewhere along the way I became numb to the brokenness the Lord wanted me to have. I completely shut it out because it hurt to think about. It hurt to grieve for those people. In India the brokenness isn’t in a box. It’s right below our rooftop where I sit every morning. It’s right on the sidewalk I walk down everyday to get a drink at the corner store. It’s hard to ignore the brokenness. But instead of pushing this brokenness out of my head and heart I am going to embrace it.
Brokenness leads me to action.
Pleading the cause of the orphan requires action and to plead their cause I have to be broken for their lives. I have to allow the Lord to let me see them in all of their own brokenness so that action can be taken. It isn’t easy praying and leaving because that requires putting ultimate trust in the Lord. I am a fixer and a control freak and I want to do what I think should be done but instead I will continue to plead their cause to the Lord and find out what the action part looks like for the long term. Ultimately I will trust that His word is pure like it says in Psalm and trust that He knows every hair on their head when I really only know a name.
I’m thankful for this community I am living in. I was talking with a squadmate the other night and telling her about how most of the special needs kids I come in contact with remind me of Ruby and the Lord so sweetly spoke through her and she said that sometimes we just need to be reminded of our brokenness. Powerful. Sometimes the Lord reminds us of our brokenness even when we just want to push it away because He cares that much.
Update on life: You can still donate to my trip by clicking the “support me” tab and I would love for you to subscribe to my blog so that you can be notified as soon as I update!! India has been an incredible ride so far. I am loving it and I am loving the people I do life with everyday. Community isn’t easy but the Lord is worth it everyday. India is a tough country, a dark country but the people are a welcoming one. I am still in awe that this is my life. Thank you to everyone that has been supporting me, encouraging me and praying for me! It means more than you will ever know. Also, I am trying to upload pictures but my WIFI just isn’t allowing it. Feel free to add me on Facebook or follow me on Instagram @kctilly42
