Where will this blog go?
Only time will tell.
I am now in month 7 of this journey. 7 out of 11. I now have more months in the bag than the number of months that I have left to complete. It’s considered the last leg of the journey.
I don’t know where time has gone. It almost feels like a dream that I spent 5 months in Asia in cultures so similar and so different at the same time. I remember the day that my parents said goodbye to me at a hotel in Atlanta and I walked to join my squadmates as we prepared to leave everything that we knew to be stable and comfortable for 11 months.
11 months of moving often. Unpacking to just pack up again to hop on a bus or train or plane to head to another country. 11 months of getting used to the currency and culture of a country only to leave again. 11 months of becoming a professional at airports and taxis. A professional at understanding that befriending locals is the best way to figure out all the places to go and things to eat.
Month 7. 2nd team. 9th country. Countless people I have met. Countless places that have left an imprint on my heart and soul. Countless stories of how the Lord has not only shown up but how He has shown Himself faithful and true and good and mighty and personal.
I got asked the other day… “are you going to be really different when you come home?”
The only thing that I could think was “I sure hope so!” I sure hope that when I arrive back on American soil my friends and family see a reflection of the Father in me that they didn’t see when I left. I sure hope that they see a woman who has found her voice. A woman who has found boldness. Who has found peace. Who has found restoration from a season that was tough before the race. A woman who has a new passion for the things that the Lord has put in her heart. The orphan. The orphan with special needs. The orphan who just needs Jesus and nothing more because with Jesus everything else falls into place.
I hope that I come back and I weep at the sight of a homeless person on the side of the road instead of turn my nose up and wonder if the government is going to do their part to “clean up our city.” I hope that I come back and tell the stories of God around the world so that it will spur people on to believe God to change their world. If I traveled the world for 11 months for the cause of Christ and I arrive home and people tell me “oh, you haven’t changed a bit” then it was a waste of 11 months. If I come back and there is no evidence that I have been with Jesus then it was a waste.
I refuse to let this year be one where I look back and say “If only I would have done…” I refuse to live a life of “if only” because that means regret. Carpe Diem I think is the best phrase for this.
My biggest takeaway from South Africa, so far….
Not everyday is a good one. Not everyday will I be in a great mood and not everyday will go my way. There are hard days and there are hard weeks. Shoot, there are even hard months. This past week was one of them. It was tough on me. I was tired. I was moody. I was negative. I was all the things that didn’t resemble the Lord. You know what the Lord said?
It’s okay, I’m still proud of you.
Proud of me for making the decision to follow Him through the hard things. Through the easier things. I could give up. I could go home. Every month there has been a moment where I’ve had the thought cross my mind. So many times I have been emailing back and forth with my mentor and I’ve made the statement “I don’t know why the heck I agreed to do this.” So many times.
The Lord still says “I’m proud of you.”
When I feel like I fail. When I feel like I’ve gotten it right. When I feel like I’ve really messed up. When I feel like it’s a good week or when I feel like it’s a week that I never want to think about again. He’s proud of me and that, my friends, is all that matters. That still small voice.
