And there it flowed.
Out of his mouth like a flowing river of sweet honey meandering it’s way through a green meadow on a warm summer’s day.
Clear. Perfect. Spanish.
I stared at him with envy across the room.
Why doesn’t my Spanish sound like that?
Why can’t I form a sentence in the blink of an eye the way that my teammate, Gabe does?
I’ve been studying Spanish on and off for the past 5 years now, even to the extent of declaring it as my minor in college. I so desperately want to get a grasp on the language, to be able to communicate with the local Guatemalans that the Lord has put me with.
And then my teammate Gabe enters the picture.
He is a Cuban-American from Miami, Florida. He speaks Spanish in his home with his family and his amigos.
Clear. Perfect. Spanish.
……and he has never once had a lesson or a single class.
Out of my frustration, I demandingly asked him how he knows Spanish, how he is able to speak it without even thinking.
He kindly responded to me, “I just know it, and I do it”.
As simple as that; whatever he wants to communicate flows effortlessly out of his mouth. It’s embedded in him, it’s a part of who he is.
I wish it were that easy with my relationship with the Lord.
I would love to just know His words, His promises, and His truths…. and just do it.
I desire for the words on the pages of my worn ESV Bible to be implanted into my heart, and for His love to be so deeply rooted in my bones that it’s dripping off of every word that escapes my mouth.
Unfortunately for me, walking out this life with the Lord isn’t as easy and natural as I wish it would be, and striving to remain in the spirit is so damn hard. Unfortunately for me, “knowing it and doing it” is not necessarily second-nature. My mind is more complicated—it requires an explanation rather than just advancing on an act of faith from a spoken word.
From a teaching standpoint, I want to know the “ins and outs and the in-betweens” of His love for me. I have an insatiable urge to dissect His words and figure out the “WHY “so that I can turn around and explain it to others who don’t understand.
Why does He never stop pursuing us?
Why is the Lord known as the Healer, yet he doesn’t heal everyone who needs it?
Why does He choose the one’s that the world deems as unworthy?
I just want to know “why”, and I want the Bible to break it down and explain it to me. All I want to do is whip out the Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance, open up my Blue Letter Bible App on my phone, crack open the Vine’s Expository Dictionary and go to town on some scripture.
Why do I feel the need to dissect and research every word or revelation that the Lord gives me?
In the famous words of Avril Lavigne, “Why’d you have to go and make things so complicated?”
Our leader has asked the team that we come to the morning meetings prepared to share whatever the Lord has put on our hearts. The idea of never knowing when I’m going to be called on to share makes my mouth dry, and the idea of not being told what to share on makes my palms drip with sweat.
This scenario stresses me out because what if I have nothing brilliant to share? What if the Lord doesn’t give me life-changing revelations that I can proudly teach and share with the rest of the group?
One thing that He is showing me is that if this is a way of life and I am constantly walking in the Spirit, all He wants me to do is share from the abundance of my heart.
Rather than trying to manufacture an enlightening revelation or sitting down and mapping out a lesson plan, He wants me to quit overthinking my thoughts and feelings.
The realization that I am nervous doesn’t negate the sovereignty of the Lord. If He wants me to say something or give me a word to share with the group, He will speak through me and will not leave me lacking.
He is a god that is incomprehensible, but His desire is to be sought out and known. (Proverbs 25:2) It’s finding the balance of knowing and trusting what is already in my heart and searching out and studying this mysterious God whom we serve.
His desire is for me to stop overthinking His love, but He doesn’t want me to quit seeking Him out. He gave me an inquisitive mind and a persistence to know His heart, so I will continue to use my Strong’s Exhaustive Concordance and I’ll keep my Blue Letter Bible on tap if I need it.
I’m still not jumping out of my seat during the morning meeting to share, but I’m trusting in the Lord as He walks me through the process of feeling His presence and sharing what I feel.
He’s telling me not to block the flow. Know it and do it.
….and maybe one day my Spanish will be awesome.
