Trying to follow Jesus wrong.

I’m what you might call a “dreamer.”

When I was sitting on my daddy’s lap as a little girl and he told me I could be anything I wanted, go anywhere – I took him very, very seriously
(as I did most things as a child – a small example being the evening after my first day at preschool when my mother asked me if I’d made any friends, and I very matter-of-factly informed her that of course I did not have to make them, they were already there).
 
But anyway…
Growing up, I heard a lot about my “potential,”
and daddy was telling me I could be anything I wanted to be,
and I ate that stuff UP.
 
(baby me and my daddy, circa 1990)

I believed that one day I could do amazing things, bigger things than I’d seen anyone do.
I thought for a long time that the “big” things I was going to do involved a stage and lights and a curtain and applause and my name in a playbill.
I learned the really hard, heart-breaking way that I was wrong about that.
 
But now I’m sitting in Malaysia trying to decide between incredible opportunities like moving to Australia or Ireland or back to the states (where I’ll need to choose between opportunities in several different states). The options I'm debating between would all bring honor and glory to the Lord and continue to allow me to be sharpened and trained by invaluable community, while offering me a place and way to continue to contribute to bringing God’s Kingdom to earth.
 

photo credit

Sometimes being a dreamer distracts me, though.

I’ve been sitting at the feet of the Father with all of my options spread out like they were written on different notecards in different colors, and I’ve been holding up two at a time asking, “right or left,” … “Australia or Tennessee?” hoping that my childlike game of “this or that” would eventually narrow it down by process of elimination…

but each time I’ve asked “right or left?” one of the cards still on the floor would suddenly come alive with brilliant new details, filling me with excitement all over again, and I’d drop one of the cards in my hands to pick up the shiny one on the floor and ask again.
 
I’ve so badly wanted to know where I’m going and how to get there.
 
Having no idea at all what I’ve been juggling the past however many months, one of my new friends here in Malaysia spoke wonderfully into my heart about my decision-making process last night and I cannot stop thinking about it.
 
He stood with one arm out like he was hugging an invisible person to his side and said plainly, “we’re made to lean on God always – we want exact direction, we want to know where we’re going and how we’re going to get there – but if God tells us all of that, we’ll just take off running to go do it, and He wants to keep us right here, leaning on Him.”
 
Ohhhhhhhhh.
Relationship. He WANTS to be in a relationship with me.
 He wants ME with HIM.
Light bulb!
(anyone get the “Despicable Me” reference? Anyone?)
 
Today I was reading John 1…yes, still…
because I can’t get over God calling Jesus His Beloved Son with whom He is well pleased before Jesus even does anything cool…but that’s not what we’re talking about.
 
Two days after the dove and the voice from heaven and the baptism, Jesus is walking by, and John the Baptist sees him and says, “Look! The Lamb of God!” and suddenly the two bros standing around with JtB have to know more.

They start following Him, Jesus turns around and asks them what they’re looking for, and they reply:
“Rabbi, where are You staying?”
(Jn 1:37)
 
That’s it: Rabbi, where are YOU staying?
 
“Come and you’ll see,” Jesus says.

So they went and saw where He was staying, and they stayed with Him all day. (John 1:37-39)

…I’ve so been asking the wrong questions.
It’s not “Tennessee or Georgia?” or “Australia or America?”
It never is, “this or that?”

The question is, "Rabbi, where are you staying?"
 

So, I’m putting my multicolored index cards away.

I’m fixing my eyes back on Jesus, following where He’s going, and staying with Him all day.
 
And I’ll do just that again tomorrow.