For over a year, I’ve been sure that I’d be spending April 2012 in Thailand witnessing to prostitutes in bars…until I arrived in Bangkok on April 3rd and learned that I was being sent to a church in southeast Thailand, about 20 hours away from the infamous Bangala Road – home to over 200 bars known for sex tourism.
After Africa, I was a mess. I mean, really. I had lost sight of who I am to the extent that God flat out told me that I was “lame” (as in “disabled”) and He was trying to keep me from being disconnected from Him.
I’m a verbal processor, but I’d bought into so many lies over the 4 months leading up to Thailand that I hadn’t really spoken to anyone about anything real going on in my head or my heart in at least 2 months. I wasn’t journaling, I wasn’t reading the Bible with the heart I usually do. I was functioning, but I couldn’t remember the last time I’d laughed – I mean really belly-laughed – about anything.
Satan’s so crafty, and while I was in Africa I bought his crap like it was on clearance. I’m a very discerning woman and I’m a very open person. It’s a strength of mine, really. I tell people when I feel like we walk into an atmosphere and I can tell we need to fight, or when I personally am weak so they can help me – when people come together to fight for someone or something, it unites them. I’ve seen it time and time again in community: vulnerability creates unity. As my alumni Squad Leader, Christy, told me all the time during my first 4 months on the race: transparency breeds intimacy, and intimacy commands a blessing.
Until I felt like my environment wasn’t a safe place for me to be vulnerable. When that happened, I decided that I’m important enough that I should keep the lies I hear (pretty clearly) from satan to myself, and wrestle the ones I hear about me by myself, rather than open up to the people around me. I held back something that I know I can contribute to community. I isolated myself and got tangled up in a web of doubt, insecurity, and bitterness.
The doubt was big. I stopped believing God loves me. I forgot (who[se]) I AM.
The insecurity was deep. I didn’t believe I was worthy to be heard by anyone or important enough to be fought for, nor did I believe anyone wanted to hear from me or fight for me.
The bitterness was all my choice – I allowed the fight I didn’t see in others to offend me personally, even though I hadn’t given anyone a reason to fight for anything – so how was that something for me to take personally? I don’t know, either.
My circumstance completely redefined my identity, which isn’t something the Lord had to cater to, but He’s never giving up on me and He’s chased me down this month to get me back.
So I wasn’t sent to Bangala Road, I was sent to Chanthaburi, where I had approximately 10 hours of ministry per week, an incredibly host family, and women around me who made me talk.
My parents told me my month sounded a little bit like I was on vacation in Thailand – and I realized that it was kind of true.
Our pastor, who we lovingly call “Pa,” arranged “adventure days” for us every Monday and took us swimming at waterfalls after church on Sundays. Our adventure days included hiking, feeding and swimming with fish at the bottom of gorgeous waterfalls, swimming in the Thai gulf, tons of delicious foods, an aquarium, and visiting Koh Chang (“Elephant Island”).
oh…and we went swimming…all the time.
We had the privilege of preaching the gospel to approximately 65 juvenile inmates at a detention center, 40ish of which were girls ages10-15 who had crossed the border from Burma into Thailand illegally looking for “work” (likely, prostitution), the rest were boys who had mostly been picked up for drugs.
We also got to teach English to 5th and 6th graders for 3 days, on the final day we sang over them and prayed over them, preached the Gospel to them, and shared testimonies with them…and hugged on them…and signed autographs? I wasn’t sure about that one, but they asked us to sign whatever they could find for us to write our names on.
We went to a women’s correctional facility where I got to share my story of drugs, alcohol, sex, and complete redemption by the blood of Jesus with about 60 women who were mostly incarcerated for drugs and prostitution.
We also attended two church services per Sunday, prayer meetings on Wednesdays, two cell groups…and the rest of the time, Team Naked got intentional…
bahahaha.
okay, but seriously.
Team Naked got extremely intentional, and I talked, and I learned some things:
Things are going to keep coming against you. You have an enemy who is sending them, and I can promise you he’s not going to stop fighting for your soul…but you have a God who created you to exist in community, first with Him, next with the people He places in your life. Fight for your time with Him, and pour into those around you what you get in that time with Him.
Worship is your biggest weapon against the crafty tricks of satan – community, I would say, is your second biggest. When you don’t let satan convince you that you’re alone (which you aren’t, in anything, ever), you allow the body of Christ to stand with you and fortify you, which brings the body closer, which advances God’s Kingdom…
