Coming into debrief and into Africa I really felt like, spiritually, I was entering the lion’s den. I told people that I felt like I was entering the lion’s den, like death would continue to come against me in words and in circumstances, and I would have to stand firm in my faith with what felt like zero support, I felt alone.
The hits just kept on coming, and I knew God’s desire was for me to stand firm on His promises and in His Spirit, and I had no idea how I was going to do that with all that kept coming against me.
At the end of India, I wasn’t even me anymore. I was easily angered, I had a victim mentality about all of my circumstances, I avoided my team and didn’t know how to find any depth in my time with God because I didn’t want to see my own responsibility in the attitude that I was wearing like a giant sign over my head that said,
“seriously, leave me alone.”
During travel from India to Kenya, of my brothers on A-Squad prophesied the word “Simba” over me – more than that, he told me that I was Simba (yes, from The Lion King), and that I couldn’t give up on where God’s called me regardless of my circumstances.
Who knew God would speak through The Lion King, eh?
When we got to the hostel we stayed at in Nairobi, we were all assigned rooms to stay in for debrief – each of the rooms had different names in Swahili. Out of 36 women, myself and 5 other women were chosen to live in the room called “Simba.”
Over the course of those 5 days in Kenya, Papa told me that I had to stop thinking of Africa as the lion’s den, that I had to relinquish my right to play the victim, and that I needed to give Him much more credit – He doesn’t send me into lion’s dens, and He certainly doesn't send me anywhere alone.
If I’m Simba (which means “lion” in Swahili), you know the wild jungle where Simba grows up with Timone and Pumba before Nala comes out and they wrestle and then go swimming in the lagoon?
That’s the paradise Papa told me He was taking me to.
On my way to our ministry site in Tanzania (on the bus…for 35+ hours…), I had that thought several times. Papa isn’t sending me into the lion’s den, He’s calling me a lioness and sending me into gorgeous jungle where He’s going to build me up and prepare me for something huge in the future.
My team name is Azar Ignited, “Azar” being the feminine of the Hebrew word “Ezer” which means “helper,” but contextually really means helper in the sense of a military aid. It doesn’t mean submissive assistant, it means partner in battle. God uses the word “ezer” to describe His own role for the nation of Israel. Some studies on the word and its application for women (it’s the word used in Genesis when God creates a “helper” for Adam, He creates an “azar” for Adam) have used “lioness” to illustrate the implication of the word.
So, my squad mate called me “Simba,” I was assigned to stay in the room called “Simba,” I was instructed to stop expecting to be delivered into the lion’s den because I’m the lion, my team name labels me a lioness, and then Papa seriously placed me in one of the most beautiful places I've ever seen.
I'm surrounded by mountains that boast the kind of majestic perfection that makes it seem like like God chisled them yesterday, the sky is always the crystal blue that you would imagine the summer to be when you're in the dead of winter, there are always stark white, fluffy clouds that look like cotton balls dancing over the mountains like silly hats or gentle blankets (depending on the time of day), and it's SO GREEN.
When I'm not singing in church or spending time with my team at our guest house, I'm sitting under a huge mango tree at our contact's house learning Kiswahili from some of his 6 children, who I've adopted as new siblings; or hunting down fresh fruit with my sisters, which isn't hard since there are perfect, fresh pineapples and mangos and avocados and oranges on almost every corner.
I mean, it's hot and I'm so sunburned that when I walked into a store the other day, a woman went and found sunscreen and offered it to me, and there are mosquitos galore, and I want more than almost anything to be able to be at home watching my mom feel healthier every day for the first time in months (or years, depending on whether we're talking about the treatment or the illness)…
but Papa has indeed sent me into a paradise where I'm being built up in Spirit, and I feel it. I feel like I'm beaming with joy every second of the day, my songs are new, my voice is strong, my heart is light, and I'm falling in love with this place and the One who created it.
p.s. Jordan, you can consider Tanzania redeemed.
p.p.s. I promise I will upload photos galore of East Africa when I get the chance, it's just basically impossible to try to do so with this internet
