“If any person wills to come after Me, let him deny himself (disown, forget, lose sight of himself and his own interests, refuse and give up himself), and take up his cross daily and follow Me…” Luke 9:23
Father, my prayer is that You’ll open my eyes to how I can deliberately lose sight of myself and my own interests…
That was my prayer one morning. Sometimes I question why I pray such things…I think in the back of my mind, I think He’s just going to point them out to me in a way that’s easy to swallow. Maybe I even think the prayer sounds honorable and respectable. Maybe I think that that’s what a good Christian should pray.
Sometimes it’s not til I reflect the next day that I realize how He’s answered a prayer like that.
For instance…
The day I prayed that prayer…I prayed it, closed my journal, and went on my way.
Later that morning, I was informed that our teams were going to practice worship. (Because we’ve been asked several times for a ‘special’ song).
I had suggested a song team…because I know we have girls that love to sing and can even play guitar…it’d be great. (Harmless suggestion, right?)
It didn’t fly. Not a soul on board.
So, I made some snide remark to a couple of my teammates…and walked inside to practice worship.
I didn’t want to be there. I didn’t want to stand up and sing in front of a bunch of people. I mean, I had just moved passed mere lip-singing in corporate worship as of last summer…now I had to sing like facing the crowd. No….No, no, no.
Sigh.
We sang a couple songs, and then left to walk around a community and pray. I just pondered what had just happened. I told the Lord, “I know that was ugly…but…”
But.
It was in that moment that He brought to my mind other situations like that one. Situations where I didn’t want to do something. Situations that would expose my insecurity…
In an attempt to get out of it, I try to destroy it or mock it. I manipulate a situation to try and get my way. And in the end, my words can hurt people…and my words are supposed to bring grace to those who are listening.
And you know what? I still didn’t get out of what I wanted to get out of.
And I typically don’t…because I’m not supposed to.
Lord…sigh…tame this tongue of mine…
In the spirit of leaving things behind, may I leave this:
My Own Interests-and the desire to manipulate a situation to achieve them.
And in case you were wondering, worship that night was SO much fun. 
