I do not want to blog.
I don't want to blog because I don't like where I'm at.
I think this is the first time I've felt like this on the Race.
Now, I've been broken…and the Lord has definitely exposed things in me that I didn't know were there or kind of knew were there, but He brought them more fully to the surface..
But in the midst of those, He gave me something to grab onto…
But I don't feel that right now.
And I don't want to blog about it.
But when something's on my mind, I struggle seeing passed it.
So sitting down to write about something other than what is on my mind is seemingly impossible for me.
So here I am.
Writing a blog about the blah that's in my head right now.
I don't want to be on this Race right now.
I don't want to be on this team right now.
I don't want to answer any more questions.
I don't want to think about how it's just Month 4.
I most definitely do not want to work with kids.
I don't want to sit and smile because I don't REALLY understand what is being said around me.
I don't…I really don't…
But I don't want to go home either.
This is the blah.
This is the blah I feel today and that I've felt this week.
I don't know where the blah comes from.
And I want to tell you that I just pray and it leaves.
But it doesn't always…because I just prayed…and…
Yep…it's still here.
I know one thing.
I understand what David said when he stated: "in Your presence is fullness of joy." Psalm 16:11
Because the only time the blah is gone…is in the midst of worship.
I worshipped by myself yesterday…like I got to sing as loud as I could in a room of the church we're staying in.
And I just wanted to stay there.
It's hard to put into words what happens in the midst of worship.
But it's good.
It's hard to explain what that fullness even feels like.
I'm sure I could try…
But it can be different every time…
Yesterday though… it was like a hug…
Just one big hug…maybe He does that when we get the blahs…cuz we just need it hugged out of us…
I'm pretty sure it looks something like this…
