Where are you at this month?
My favorite question…
That might have sounded like sarcasm, but it truly is one of my favorite questions…not always to give the answer to, but to hear the answer to.
I'm on this journey with 51 other people. Some months I get to partner with another team other than my own, and then at the end of the month, I get to see EVERYONE. It's actually one of my favorite things about this whole Race.
Each debrief is like "the next chapter", as one of my squad mates put it.
Flip side to loving my favorite question:
Sometimes you don't like the chapter you're in.
Sometimes you feel like you're back in previous chapters with a different scenery.
Sometimes you don't even understand what's going on in the chapter. Like when you read C.S. Lewis in the midst of chaotic surroundings. You know you just read something amazing and revolutionary, but at the same time you're not really sure what you just read. And you for sure couldn't explain what just happened in that chapter.
That's the chapter I'm in right now. That's what this month was for me.
A whirlwind at its finest, but interlaced with revolutionary truths that I thought I was living, but I'm not.
The beginning of the month, my contact informed me that my mind was not strong. The Lord had shown me that…I had felt the result of that…but hearing it out loud was hard.
A book I had read emphasized: Intimacy precedes fruitfulness. And our contact reconfirmed that by telling me: "You don't have to worry about evangelizing or healing people…don't be concerned with that now…just be with Him."
Just be with Him.
Just be His daughter. And delight in being His daughter.
That's all.
Because a daughter who is close to her Father will begin to resemble Him.
And then, later in the month, I was confronted with prayer: What do I believe about prayer?
If I'm honest, I sit in a group prayer and before it gets to me, I'm rehearsing what I'm going to pray. I even check-out to an extent. Yet I believe in the power of prayer…but do I pray like I believe?
Am I listening for the Father's will in a situation or am I praying my own?
Am I praying my own?
Because maybe His will isn't to heal the person in front of me right now. Maybe their physical need that gets prayed for daily or weekly is masking the real void that needs dealing with. Maybe His will for me at that moment is to carry on a conversation with them. Maybe the need I see isn't the one that needs to be met.
I rarely am correct about satisfying my own needs, so why should I insist that I know what needs to be fixed with someone else? Maybe I should ask the Lord.
Maybe I should ask…
I'm not always going to hear perfectly…but He will always speak perfectly.
I will probably add my interpretation where it shouldn't be added.
I will probably get it a little wrong.
But I'd rather get it wrong through asking…
I'd rather hear that I misunderstood…
I'd rather hear that I heard what I wanted to hear…
Than hear Him say, "Why didn't you ask?"
So, where am I at this month?
I'm just a daughter learning how to have a relationship with her Father.
A dependent, involved, exciting, adventurous, mysterious, and ever-deepening relationship with her Father.
Where are YOU at this month?
