There is a common theme on our squad – tattoos. We are a tattoo loving squad. I now have three of them – one of my most recent one is a snowflake on my neck – thanks for the birthday money mom and dad! 🙂 (I know, I know, most people are surprised that I have one tattoo let alone three of them….but I do!)
I remember in Guatemala, my teammate was deciding on if she wanted to get a tattoo or not and if so, what tattoo she should get. So I was on Pinterest looking at possible tattoo ideas with her and saw a picture of a snowflake that took up this woman’s whole forearm. I was a little confused as to why one would get a snowflake tattooed on their body, I mean it’s a permanent thing. Why a snowflake?! I voiced these thoughts and confusions out loud to those who were sitting by to listen. And now here I am, a snowflake permanently tattooed on my body. Go figure.
(Side note – she still hasn’t gotten a tattoo and I have since gotten two. Haha)
But moving on, why I decided to get a tattoo of a snowflake…
The very next day (after our snowflake Pinterest session) two people talked to our squad about giving/receiving feedback and towards the end he got on a bit of a side tangent (a really good one) about snowflakes and how there is no snowflake like another. They’re all different. They’re all unique. They’re all their own. And then he used the analogy of how we as human beings are like snowflakes.
Now I know you’ve probably heard this analogy, I get that, but this particular morning back in October, it was like God was saying these words specifically to me. It gave me chills.
As people, we are all different. There is no one like the other. We are unique. We are our own individual.
Isn’t that a beautiful thought?
We are all uniquely created and designed.
I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are your works, and my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:14
As I read that ever so familiar verse tonight it hit me like a ton of bricks. When I don’t believe that I am enough, I am doubting him. When I see myself as inadequate I am questioning his goodness and his creation. When I wish I could be more like the person next to me and want to be different in this way and that, I am failing to give thanks to God. This verse ends with “my soul knows it very well.” But does it really? We throw out that bible verse all the time, but do we really believe these words? Do you believe that you are fearfully and wonderfully created? Do you believe that you are enough? Do you trust God and know and believe full well that he created YOU and he said it is good?
For along time I missed it. I missed the beauty of it, being unique.
Coming on the race, I lived constantly in a messy puddle of thoughts, always comparing myself to my squad mates and teammates. Always seeing myself as not enough. Through an anonymous note I received in month 2, I realized how I was walking in all of these lies and insecurities. I was encouraged to make a list of them, actually write them out on paper, something I had never done before. Quickly, I noticed a theme in what I was writing down on paper…each new line began with ‘not’ and ended with ‘enough’. Anything from appearance to not being funny enough to my relationship with Jesus. I had myself convinced I wasn’t enough. My team leader did something that I will forever be grateful for – they encouraged me to read out loud my list. One of the most uncomfortable, hard, humble, and most freeing moments of my Race thus far. That night I ended up sharing with my team my list of insecurities and they responded by praying over me and speaking words of truth over me. Talk about a vulnerable moment…
God has replaced these lies, insecurities, and that comparison way of thinking and replaced them with words of truth. I may not be the funniest person on the squad but if we were all really funny, who would be there to laugh?
We each have different characteristics that make us who we are. We each have our thing that makes us tick. We each have different talents and passions, different ambitions and dreams. And that’s okay. It’s more than okay, it’s beautiful.
And that is where the snowflake comes into play.
It’s a reminder to just be me. Recognizing that I am my own person and there is no other like me. I believe that I am enough. I am valuable and I am loved. And when I don’t, I pray that God would always remind me of who I am. I am more than adequate. I am my beloved’s and he is mine. God fearfully and wonderfully made me. It’s a stamp that says I am different, I am unique, and I am beautiful.
If you’ve never prayed this prayer, as cheesy or weird as it may sound, ask God to tell you who you are.
God, I will give thanks to you. I know that I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are your works. I know that full well.
Much love from Thailand,
Kaci
