It has been this point that I’ve been leading into. From explaining my brokeness, hurt, pain, bondage, and struggles, I now come to the story of pure Redemption and overwhelming, genuine, authentic Joy! This was the day that I finally reached out and was grabbed by Jesus chasing me down.
There was a span of 4 days from March 7-10 that my squad alongside 2 others joined up in Quito, Ecuador for a small conference, called The Awakening, amongst us, that we led. It was purposed to be time that each squad, at different points in their Race, could pour into each other with the abilities and gifts that the Father has given us. So we arrived in Ecuador, and at this point I felt neck deep in my doubt and shame. Jesus was chasing me down, but I was blind to it. He was holding me, but I was focused on me. He was reaching out, but I shrunk away in my shame. And I had chosen to walk in a spirit of shame, guilt, pride, and isolation. Little did I believe, it was already finished.
We cracked jokes for weeks prior, because it was called The Awakening. Things like “Y’all ready to get woke!” and stuff like that. But the truth of that was totally unexpected and blindsided me.
So here we are, Wednesday night past, Thursday came and went, now Friday morning. From the morning I woke up the enemy started attacking, because he was trying stop something from happening that he didn’t like. But I didn’t know that, nor did I have the eyes to see it at the time. I just knew I was under attack. From breakfast and morning session to later that afternoon everything that had to do with spirituality, our God, worship, or truth made me really angry. Throughout the morning it progressed and that afternoon I was planned to lead a team of about 10 people into the city of Quito to do Evangelism. From the moment I woke up I said, “I am not doing it. There is no possible way I can go out and spread the light of Jesus, when I feel surrounded by darkness and full of emotions not of Jesus.” Throughout the morning I talked with Melanie and she was the listening ear i needed to rant. She encouraged me to ask the Lord who I needed to go pray with, and the name that kept popping up was Amie Beth. So after the morning session I asked her to pray over me, because I felt like I had nothing left and everything that was in me was anger, shame, and lies from the enemy.
She asked, “What do you need?”
I replied with, “I have no idea. But I know what I don’t want, to go to Evangelism.”
So she told me, “Then… that’s exactly what you need to do.”
To be honest, that infuriated me even more. But the morning went on and the day continued. I was convinced that I was not going and had even told my leadership team I wasn’t. My feelings of darkness heightened. It came time to leave for Evangelism and after a conversation with Elise, she had told me the same thing, that she thought I needed to go. Don’t run from it. So I sat down amongst the other 100+ people and when we began I just hopped in a group and left.
On the bus ride there, I grew heavier and heavier and by the time we arrived about 45 minutes later, I could honestly feel my spirit physically and it weighed me down. I pulled over my brother John Mark cause “I need prayer or something.”
So they prayed over me, and instead of going out to Evangelize, I sat back with a few others to do intercession and prayer. At the end, we hopped back on the bus and as we drove home and arrived at the Seminary, the only words I could really use to describe what I was feeling was, demonic. So we had a breakout session with all of the men between the 3 squads, and I didn’t go. I stayed back in my room and yelled at the top of my lungs at a wall for an hour and a half. I said, “if anything helps right now maybe scripture will.” So I declared scripture over the room. Once I was done it was time for our evening session and I was feeling kinda better. But the load wasn’t any lighter.
About half way through worship I was approached by Amie Beth and she said that there was someone here that she would really encourage me to talk to. And so I did. On the way outside, I said quietly, “God if You are actually real and able to change whats going on inside of me, please do it, because I’ve got nothing left.”
The three of us sat down and did my best to articulate what was going on inside of me. So we sat and talked for a few minutes. And then dove straight into prayer.
This was the point we went to war! We armored up and went headlong into the enemy’s forces. We began calling out the spirits of oppression over me, casted them away, and replaced them with Truth. We found the roots of pain, broke the enemy’s hold on it and declared it the Lord’s. We declared truth and rebuked the devil by the power of the blood of Jesus. We went deeper and deeper until all the spirits had revealed themselves and all the footholds were broken and shattered.
Then Peace. Stillness. A gentle shout of victory. A calm nightly breeze.
I looked up, not knowing what to expect. But the moment I picked up my head and opened my eyes, the fruits of the spirit flooded my body! Just as I previously physically felt the darkness it was now with Light and Life. The last thing I wanted to do was sit there any longer. So after we finished I jumped up and bounded off back inside. At this time it was late and people were in the gym still jamming and dancing to music on full blast having a great time. So I jumped right in and rejoiced with them. A couple people asked me what was up? and a few told me later that they could feel a weight lifted when I showed up. But honestly the only thing I could say was “Jesus, it is just Jesus. He’s set me free.”
And could I have not been more right at that time. There is absolutely nothing I could have done to rescue me from that and break my chains. Only Jesus.
Oh my gosh guys. He is so real, so present, so powerful. His name has authority and because of it we now have authority. We are filled with the same Holy Spirit, the same Light of Life, and the same fruits. Scripture says that if we believe and trust Him then we will continue to bear fruit without fail. God is so good y’all. He is powerful, He is the Ultimate Rescuer, Redeemer, Healer, and Life Giver. And His grace is so powerful that it stomps over absolutely everything. He is grace and love! How could He do such a thing that I didn’t deserve. Oh gosh I am overwhelmed. I want to live every day praising and rejoicing because HE TRULY IS ALL WE NEED.
How has the Father renewed my on identity through it too!? Well there’s more!
