We were asked to write a blog about how we felt before leaving on this mission trip. Here is what I’m expecting…
To be quite honest I’m a little turned upside down at the moment. I can expect that will be my life for the next year.
Two days ago I found myself on my knees and my palms pressed against the floor. In the midst of hundreds of people worshiping God with outstretched arms – there I was with snot on my shirtsleeves and tears splashing on the floor crying out to Him.
It was in response to one of the most humble men I have ever seen, scratching his facial hair, and reading the Word. He read the very words of Jesus. He was so gentle and meek. He was not loud, bold, or aggressive, he did not stir the crowd’s emotions or flesh – yet I hung on every word with tears streaming down my face.
The conviction cut right to the heart. I was brought to my knees!
The conviction cut right to the heart. I was brought to my knees!
In the magnitude of that moment my heart expressed what words could not in my life. My two desires burning hotter than ever before: to know Him more, and to lose my life. This is my prayer for this trip.
I confidently await falling more deeply in love with Christ. I long to walk in the reflection of His love, and the revelation that my life is not my own, nor anything in it. I want to lose all thoughts of “self.” I want to live in humility and have the heart of a true servant.
I made a decision that night. I made a decision to refuse to live for myself one more day. I will not use my salvation and my freedom to live a life for my glory, for my desires, or for this world. I have asked God to do whatever it takes to make my life reflect the gospel – whatever the cost. I pray for submission, I pray for surrender, I pray that it is no longer I that lives, but Christ lives in me.
