Exactly two weeks after we got to Medan, Indonesia, it hit me like a ton of bricks. Homesickness.
Two. Whole. Weeks.
I was so sure that I wouldn’t get homesick until month three at the earliest, and here I am, unable to have even made it one month.
We had just finished a long morning of ministry. Some of my team mates were at the local coffee shop, some were laying in bed reading, some were simply resting. I was laying in my bed, watching old videos from home and looking at pictures. That was a mistake. I was suddenly overcome with wanting to be home. Right then.
I immediately got up, left the room, and wept uncontrollably. Not just about my reality in being so homesick, but at all of the new and surprising realities that seemed to surround me at every turn.
Just like I didn’t expect to get homesick so quickly, I also haven’t expected many other realities I have already experienced. I had many expectations coming onto the world race, and they have all quickly and undoubtedly been met with what is now my reality.
Oddly enough, as I sat on the rooftop and tried to process what I was feeling, I was reminded of the scripture that talks about Jesus coming into the church and flipping over all of the tables of those who were buying and selling in the temple. (Matthew 21:12-14) Jesus was not very happy, as that was not what the church was meant to be used for. It was designed to be a house of prayer, where people could come to receive healing. Once Jesus cleared out all of the tables, there was now room for the blind and crippled to get in to receive their healing. They went to Jesus, and He healed them.
See, I had set up my big and extravagant table of expectations. Selling myself a plan that I created for what my life would look like on the race. A perfect, pretty, neat, and clean plan. Where ministry was easy, where living in community was easy, where life in general was just simply picture perfect. See, Instagram photos of other racers, and google images of the countries we were going to, made it incredibly easy for me to paint this picture of what I thought my race would look like.
But, it’s as if Jesus has walked into my life, took a good look at my table, full of my plans and expectations, then looked me square in the face, and completely flipped my table. (Don’t worry, you can laugh, because I did too when I got this visual.) But, He wasn’t very happy with me, because my table of plans and expectations weren’t what He intended them to be. My plans were getting in the way of His plans. My expectations were keeping His reality for my life this year from prevailing. And worst of all, my plans were going to keep someone from receiving hope, healing, and Jesus.
In two short weeks, God has already completely flipped my mind, heart, and life upside down. So yeah, this isn’t easy. I don’t know why I thought it would be. It’s really hard. I miss home. I miss my family. I miss my fur baby. I miss my bed. I miss AC. I am hot. I am constantly sweating. I am tired. I am uncomfortable. The reality is, God is stretching me more than ever before, and all of this stuff is OKAY! It is actually GREAT! Because through it all, I believe much change and growth will take place in my life.
And in turn, I have already met so many amazing people, and I have heard so many incredible stories that have inspired me. I have slept on a rooftop under a blanket of stars. I have had some incredible food. I have gotten to have some amazing Sumatran coffee. I have seen more of Gods beautiful creations on this earth. I have stepped out of my comfort zone in leading a bible study, speaking to students at a school, praying for others, and making disciples in the nation of Indonesia. So yeah, I’m still trying to get used to my new reality. But in it all, I am confident in knowing that God’s plan and reality for my life is so much greater than any expectation that I could ever dream up. I am seeing that God is really cool, and that He can take you to really unexpected places, if you let Him.
Thanks for reading,
Tess.
“You can make many plans, but the LORD’s purpose will prevail.” – Proverbs 19:21
^^^ My sweet friend, Kate Ethridge, wrote me a bunch of letters to open for specific moments while I am over seas. I obviously had to open this one, “Open when you’re homesick…” She wrote me an encouraging letter that meant the world to me, and even had little bags of Georgia clay and horse shavings so that I could have a tangible piece of home to comfort me, and it truly did just that. I cannot thank her enough for her thoughtfulness in doing this for me.
