I won’t waste many words with what I should have been blogging about or how I should have updated more regularly. That’s all I’m going to say in fact.
I am spiritually tired. I’ve stated that more times than I can count in the past days and weeks. For the past month there has been no greater desire in my heart than for me to go home. The honeymoon phase of new cultures and ministries has long since worn off. The monotony of packing up and moving every three weeks, and sometimes setting up and tearing down 3 times in 5 days, wears down a creature of habit.
I’ve long since given up on the idea that places, people, and things give true rest. That doesn’t mean I don’t try those almost every time. The only thing those attempts allude to is the solid fact that I’m still weary. I’m constantly looking for rest in the inanimate or the comfortable. I’m constantly wearing down.
Just a couple of days ago, I preached at the church of our ministry in Kenya (I’ve forgotten to let you know, we’re in Kenya). It circled the weary and heavy burdened. The only conclusion the Lord gave me was my lack of thanksgiving and praise coupled with my sense of entitlement. How can I give thanks for all that He has given me when I believe I deserved it or earned it in some way? The simple answer is I can’t. So He’s been teaching me to be thankful in everything; from the morning sunrise that I fail to see most days to the messages I receive from people back home. Every moment of bliss and laughter, every hard and difficult circumstance, every time I don’t understand or want to curse instead of bless – it’s about time I learn the meaning of ‘a sacrifice of praise’ as Hebrews describes.
Through him [Jesus] then let us continually offer up a sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of lips that acknowledge his name. Hebrews 13:15
Two things are noteworthy. First, praise is described as a sacrifice. Sacrifice is giving up something valued for the sake of something else more important or worthy. When all I want to do is shut down, and believe me that’s been a lot, it’s a sacrifice to praise because He is more worthy than my need. Second, the praise is audible, birthing from our lips. It’s mightily important that our praises are heard, distinct and audible, but even beyond that ‘a sacrifice of praise’, not just praise itself, is fruit of the lips of believers. It’s a byproduct of who we are as dearly beloved. Sure it requires work, toil, and labor, but we will produce a sacrifice of praise on our lips.
Today is my rest day as a leader. I wanted to say no; pride wanted to say no. It was sorely needed however. In a recent message from a friend, Bethany Thomas of whom I love dearly and am very grateful for, she quoted G.K. Chesterson.
Children always say, ‘Do it again’, and the grown-up person does it again until he is nearly dead. For grown-up people are not strong enough to exult in monotony. But perhaps God is strong enough to exult in monotony. It is possible that God says every morning, ‘Do it again’ to the sun; and every evening, ‘Do it again’ to the moon. It may not be automatic necessity that makes all daisies alike; it may be that God makes every daisy separately but has never gotten tired of making them. It may be that He has the eternal appetite of infancy; for we have sinned and grown old, and our Father is younger than we.
This Race is monotony – packing up every month to spend another month ‘doing’ ministry only to repeat at the end of that month, every evening filled with feedback for people I’ve given feedback to for the past 7 months. I’ve lost my eternal appetite for infancy; I’ve lost my hunger for the same satisfaction He constantly gives. I’ve focused too much on the new things I thought He wanted to teach me, the new places I though He wanted me to go, too much on the novelty. Yes the unchanging, steady and constant One wants to teach me new things, but more than that He wants to remind me of things I’ve forgotten.. see I am forgetful and shortsighted. Old things like He is enough, He satisfies, His grace is sufficient. And old things with a new twist like the grass is greener, here, where I stand now because I stand with Him, thanking Him for the food and for the day because He truly does provide. It’s refreshing. Wash over me Papa.
I apologize that this blog doesn’t contain very many photos. I’m not one for pictures. But I am a writer, albeit one’s that is still learning. Rather than trying to be someone that I’m not, I’ll lean more to the side of someone I’m not yet. It's a lesson I'm learning that I wish I knew the first 23 years of my life. Thanks for reading my thoughts.
