I woke up today on wrong side of the bed. In all honesty, I woke up sinning. It’s funny how entrenched we are in our transgressions, so much so that we become almost immune to noticing it. I’ve been asking the Lord to show me the areas that I’ve hurt Him, the places where I’ve let the rift come between us. He’s been faithful to do just that. It’s good. And it’s hard.
I woke up today and started it terribly; my mind was filled with myself, my weak flesh anxious for the rest in the cities to come – Phnom Penh and Ho Chi Minh. I woke up and was having a bad day. World Race culture talks a lot about this idea of choosing in; I’ve mentioned it before as well. Choosing in becomes almost second nature with all the discomforts, discarded plans, frustrations that settle with Race life. I showered in the cold muddy water as the girls left for the market, anxious to spend and redeem time with the Father. I found myself in a familiar pattern this month – waking up with selfish thoughts, desires, and actions – even when we’re surrounded by ‘spiritual things’: morning devotionals, personal quiet time, ministry, feedback, life bringing conversations, worship, etc. Yet today was different. It felt different as I settled into my favorite hammock. I started writing in my journal and it became one of those times where you stop writing and you start receiving, a bit like how this post is going. I commonly struggle to express my heart. Today was a different matter as my heart was poured out into every sentence written, every word penned.
Vindicate me! I know not where I go nor how to reach it. Convict me O Sovereign One, that I may not fall prey to the depths of my broken heart. Teach me a fear in trembling, coming before Your throne with nothing to offer save that which You place in my hands. Destroy the treachery in this calloused heart that Your grace may stand unhindered. I long for Your righteousness but I am so weak and weary from the unnecessary burdens that bog me down.
He brought me to Song of Solomon of all books. I know in my heart of hearts that I crave intimacy, yet I’m ever so afraid of what may be found in its depths. That’s why these words struck so near to my heart. The intimacy is brilliantly illustrated in these verses.
Dang, I want that! My spirit is thirsting for such an intimacy.
Thank You Jesus for showing me my heart. Great redemption #1 for the day.
I finished such a good time with Father when the rest of my team moseyed around the corner. We were in for a solemn and rare treat.
Meet Paul. He is the father of our awesome ministry contact, Vuthy (pronounced vu-tee) and a survivor of the genocide by the Khmer (pronounced cah-my) Rouge. Through his son’s translation, he related what he experienced as a 14 year old boy those 3 years, 8 months, and 20 days under the Khmer Rouge regime. Paul recounted the time period where 3 million Cambodians were slaughtered or starved. For those 3 years, 8 months, and 20 days, a set of numbers engraved in his mind, he endured backbreaking work, sometimes in the rice fields, sometimes building structures or digging holes, whatever the army forced him and millions of others to do. Paul somehow survived amidst the labor and with ‘meals’ consisting of a spoonful of water and spoonful of salt. The goal of the regime was to execute all intellects and those educated that Cambodia would be a people easily led, functioning out of total agrarian societal system. Paul lost his parents, his brother, and many of his relatives, totaling 10 people. He related his fear and the difficulties during and after those tormented years under the Khmer Rouge.
We find Paul most days lounging in a hammock or taking the cows out to graze in a fresh patch. If you’re lucky, you’ll find him with a gassing around on a moped. He is part of the minority age group in Cambodia, where 80% of the population is under the age of 30. He’s in his early 50s. Paul lives with his wife and has 5 children and multiple grandchildren. Most of his family is Christian.
Thank You Father for your unceasing grace. Great redemption #2 of the day.
This brings us to Vuthy, our amazing ministry contact for the month of November. We’ve only had the pleasure of his company for less than a week as the first few weeks he travelled throughout New Zealand, raising support for the ministry we’re involved in.
Five years ago, Vuthy was a tuktuk driver in Phnom Penh. Tuktuks are essentially motor rickshaws, and are common transportation in the city. It’s often viewed as a low job and drivers make enough to survive and little else. But it’s through this job that Vuthy met a YWAM team who hopped in his tuktuk, invited him to eat and consistently called him for rides whenever they went through the city. At the time he was uneducated, hardly knew English, and didn’t know Jesus at all. From the love showed to him through this team, Vuthy found and fell in love with Jesus. He applied for DTS (Discipleship Training School) with YWAM in Phnom Penh, but two factors hindered his way: money and education. Before he could only make enough money to live. Yet in faith he sold his tuktuk, his only means for income, to help pay for DTS, and the Lord blessed him with the rest of the finances. He was uneducated and yet passed the test necessary for DTS.
After finishing DTS, the Lord gave Vuthy a vision of kids coming from all over to one place. His only question was where. He spent three months in prayer, resting in the one phrase that I hear him often say, ‘I know that God is good!’, until the Lord sent a woman who had no knowledge of his vision, telling Vuthy that Kampot Province, his hometown, is where he needed to go. He spent many months, travelling back and forth from Phnom Penh, working for YWAM during the week and teaching English on the weekends, eating only rice to save money for the transportation to and from. In the first year, when Vuthy was the only Christian, he saw 25 people in his community come to Christ. Today, there are over a hundred Christians in his community and in the surrounding villages, including most of his family that he led to Christ. Incredible.
Allow me a brief overview. We teach English on all levels to a little less than 100 children, who bike, drive, and ride a tuktuk from all over the community to learn. It’s free for any and all who decide they want to learn. We stay in a mercy home, which in its current stages is for kids from villages too far away to daily commute. They also stay, eat, and sleep for free. Vuthy’s vision is to see their classes become a legitimately recognized school within Cambodia. He also dreams, along with others, to offer skills classes to the adults in the community, to build and operate a mercy clinic, and to continue to do other mercy projects, including feeding the community on Christmas of which this year they expect over 1000 people.
I want to challenge you in the moment. Do you see this vision as too big? It’s okay, I know I do sometimes. Then I realize it’s because I compare them to my dreams, which are far too small. Are yours too small as well?
Thank You Spirit for such divine counters. Great redemption #3 today.
So that’s where I find myself now, just before dinner. The Lord is gracious to open my eyes to the wonders of His redemption that occur in every day life. He is after all the Great Redeemer. He shows you His love in the smallest of ways if you open your heart to it.
I discover I’m satisfied this month. Satisfied with the work He’s doing in this country, in these people, in my squad, in my team, and in my own heart. But satisfaction, to me, doesn’t mean a finality. As I guzzle down the quenching liquid of His love, I find my feet are already leading me to fill my cup, leading me to the Source of more love. Satisfaction leaves me free to run unhindered after the things He’s set ahead because I’ve stewarded well what He’s entrusted to me. Even in the midst of sin, in the midst of temptation and stumbling, I quiet myself and listen to that constant song in my heart. Perfect Love is singing over me.
Gracious Father, teach me more how to be a trusted ruler of Your glory and love, that you may appoint more under my care for the sake of your name!
For to the one who has, more will be given, and he will have an abundance. –Luke 13:12
