Here is something I read from a friend’s blog this morning. It is an inversion of 1 Corinthians 13.
Love is selfish. Love is kind when it’s useful, and cruel when it’s not useful. Love uses envy as a motivator and flattery as a lubricator; it uses humility as a manipulator, and arrogance as a dominator. Love resents obstacles to self-advancement and rejoices with self-exaltation. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things that advance the self. For at bottom we love ourselves and self-love never ends.
I am arrogant to believe that doesn’t apply to me. It would be arrogant to believe it doesn’t apply to you. Yesterday morning I read that from a slight, almost indistinguishable pedestal, thinking that it’s a nice exercise to do and to read and to ruminate upon but functionally, it doesn’t have bearing on my life. Then, not 15 minutes later one of our sweet cooks walked in, accidently spilled about two gallons of cooking oil on the ground and I sat idly by as I watched her clean it up.
Where’s the love? Ouch, an ounce of humility stings my pride like no other. I want to say that she knew how to better clean it up; I want to say that she was almost done. But that’s not fair, to her or to me. I didn’t want to help her because I’m selfish. I had just woken up and didn’t want the first 20 minutes of my day beginning with oily and dirty hands. That’s the real reason. I’m selfish and I’m kind when it’s useful.
See, in every Racer’s head, and probably in most people’s heads, there’s this subtle idea that a place thousands of miles away from home, or a people so different than me will expel the sinful indifference in my heart. But that’s obviously not true because I’m trying to place distance from the calloused flesh that is still part of me. Jesus is clearly the only love that can expulse all weaker ‘loves’ in my heart, especially the love of self.
The Lord has recently been reminding me of all the wisdom spoken at training camp. One thing they reiterated again and again was notion that ‘everybody is in process’. I came to be broken down and transformed and made new. To a extent that’s true, but completion and finality isn’t just yet. We are always being transformed from one degree of glory to the next [2 Corinthians 3:18]. Full consummation will come in due time; it’s a matter of walking that path consistently to the end goal. We’re all in progress and need to be refined and tweaked and taught and retaught over and over again, sometimes new things and a lot of times, as in my case, old things.
My work in progress now and today is how to love. How do I love a group of women whom I can only gain insight that their day has been ‘fine’ because that’s the only response they know in English? The words of Francis of Assisi finally hold more weight than just being a trendy Christian motto, ‘Preach the Gospel at all times and, when necessary, use words.’ Love to these women isn’t in words, and it isn’t even in giving, but in serving and in action. In my experience of Africa, I’ve discovered that as a muzungu, you are automatically assumed as well off and rightfully so. If you pull out any kind of electronic device, you validate their assumptions and alienate yourselves. How do you overcome such obstacles? How do you bridge the gap?
