I can’t yet find a title to fit just exactly what I’m feeling
or where I am. This is my third draft. The title will do.
It’s already May 10th. Just yesterday it seemed
the new year was only starting. The rumor is that we won’t leave until July 10th,
and if that’s true, the fact is I have exactly two months left in the States.
The last couple of weeks have been a whirlwind and while I enjoy the busy
busyness of life, I find myself longing for time to slow down.
In two days, seniors from NC State will graduate. They’ll
enter into the realm that college promised to prepare them for. They’ll
discover that college didn’t really prepare them for anything, but they’ll live
and they’ll learn and they’ll move on with life. In the next few weeks, 6 or 7
of my friends will head out to the good things the Lord has called them to.
Thank You Jesus. It’s been a privilege and an honor to be a part of their lives
and watch them grow in joy and in love for Jesus. And then I’ll be gone, for
almost a year.
The audacity to leave in the middle of everyone’s lives has
plagued my heart for a long time. It makes me long for Home, to long for
eternity. It’s not the fact that people will be different or that I’ll be
different but that life itself will be different – radically different. In the
excitement of the past five years, I realize I could never have predicted the
absolute joys He has wooed me to, and the beautiful confidence in Jesus He has
continually instilled in my frail heart. Even in the midst of writing this, the
Lord was just reminding me to set my eyes on the Unchanging One. My heart’s
aflutter in the unpredictability of life and consequently quieted by the One
who holds all of life in His hands.
I am absolutely ecstatic for the Race. But there’s so much
here and now I don’t want to miss. I want to sit in the stillness of the
Spirit, listen to the unfailing promises of the Father, and witness the
transforming power of Jesus’ love. If that’s in Raleigh then wonderful, and if
it’s in the mountains of Nepal then beautiful – I just want to be where He is.
Jesus, You’re the only tranquility to my quivering heart.
