If you want to change and grow, if you want to stretch yourself, if you want to learn to fail and how to get up and move forward despite your failure, then go squad lead. If you want to not just learn how to drive a process, how to develop people, or how to be a catalyst, but to be part of something bigger than you could imagine, then go squad lead. If squad leading isn’t a possibility, then you should get married and lead a family. It probably better equates to what I’m about to say anyway. But I’m not married; I’m just squad leading.
I remember the moment that I was totally convinced that what I was doing was worth it. In January 2014, right before racers descended to Atlanta for the launch of their 11 month journey, 20-25 people gathered into a Holiday Inn conference room for a couple of days of squad leader training. Bill Swan, Director of Field Leadership, was sharing wisdom on circumstances that we as squad leaders could potentially encounter on the field. He said, Here’s the problem. People are going to want black and white answers and you’re not going to be able to give them what they want. It’s difficult to lead especially when you lead from the gray.
As soon as I heard those words, I remember thinking: I’m in the right spot.
What people know about life is that actions and decisions have ripple effects throughout the course of life. What most people don’t know about squad leading is that almost every action you do and every decision you make has a ripple effect magnified by a 1000, especially when you’re leading from the gray.
As I’ve stepped into the ring for round 2 of squad leading, He’s continued to solidify this idea in my heart and given it shape and form:
I am not about rules or religion or black and white answers or blanket solutions.
I am not about fixing problems or having right answers or numbing pain.
I am about critical (and usually challenging) conversations.
I am about personal responsibility and spiritual transformation.
I am about longevity that continues beyond field. That means answers that transcend specific situations and supersede circumstantial solutions. (What a mouthful)
I am about the journey and not just the destination and the inevitable difficulties that follow when you delve into the mess.
When you lead from the gray, you become a catalyst for the Lord to do massive renovation in a person’s heart. When you lead from the gray, you drive a process with the vision that goes beyond (in my case) just an 11 month trip. And when you lead from the gray, you develop people by giving them the freedom to fly and, probably more importantly, the permission to fall.
And that’s a scary thought. Because failing sucks. And falling hurts. And our tendency is to minimize the damage by any means necessary when we fall. And we will fall. Maybe we remember: High risk, high reward. Low risk, low reward. But I think we forget that what comes with high risk is, inherently, the possibility of high failure. And that’s something we have to be okay with not just if but also when it happens.
I am continually redefining my role as a squad leader and what my purpose looks like. Just as I redefine the World Race not as a mission trip, but rather a spiritual pilgrimage where people are transformed and, in the process, transform the people and environment around them through their ministry and through the simple fact that they now live transformed lives.
In regards to squad leading, I no longer see myself as a leader who has the spiritual capacity to speak into everyone’s mess. I no longer see myself as spiritually capable to transform people’s lives. I no longer see myself as even someone who has anything of significance to give. There are others more capable, more relational, better communicators. But I do believe this is a season I’m called to, a time He’s shaping me and giving me what I need when I need it. And what I do believe is this:
I am a catalyst for teaching people to take personal responsibility for their own spiritual growth.
I teach and I encourage and I hope to God that something coming out of my mouth is worthwhile to what people are going through. I correct and admonish and challenge and allow people the chance to change or not to change. Then I wait (usually awkwardly) and, if necessary, I repeat the process. I make space and room for the Lord to move and for people to respond. And I pray. I pray. I pray. I pray. I pray when I’m tired, when I’m sitting in a hammock, when I’m about to hang out with someone, after difficult conversations, before squad times, when talking with Ashley, when walking, when I write blogs. I pray. Because most of the time I literally have no idea what else to do.
The Lord has spoken a spirit of Caleb over me through various people and at various times. I see it play out a little now.
Come to the Promised Land! I’ve seen it. I’ve been there. I’ve tasted its fruit! You can take part too. You can overcome those giants and watch them flee. You can have what the Lord’s promised to you.
But I ultimately can’t bring people into that place; it’s their choice.
There’s a ministry here in Nepal that aims to free women from trafficking and to get women off the streets. They offer skill set classes to help them make a living. They charge a small fee to equip women in English, computers, candle making, etc. This ministry has discovered that women are more likely to pay attention and retain knowledge when they pay a small fee. These women feel more valuable as people when they learn a skill set that costs them something instead of receiving free lessons. This is a kind of organization that has discovered how to give people who had none, a little dignity. A little worth. A little value.
In the undergirding of our souls, and whether we know it or not, I believe this to be true with our own spirituality. If we are able to get past our poverty mentality, wade through the mess and discover the Lord on the other side, it was because we made the choice to dive in and someone else didn’t just ‘fix our problems’. The journey costs us something. It costs us our time and attention, our effort and our focus, and at the heart of it, it costs us our comfort as we trade it for pain and hurts. But what we discover is joy more palpable and satisfying than the small ‘delicacies’ someone else handed to us on a silver platter. What we discover is God to be more real and more true than we could ever imagine. He begins to be too definite for words. We begin to believe His faithfulness really does reach to the heavens and He really does love us overwhelmingly and our sins really are as far as the east is from the west.
