I find myself longing for longing. It’s month 4 on the Race, and I find myself asking, Where are you Jesus?
Wait, let me rewind. Let's start at the basics..
What is the Race? The Race is to help ‘the least of these’, to go to places that have never heard the gospel, to be the beautiful feet that bring good news. The Race is going in the name of Jesus for the fame of Jesus to those who have never heard of Jesus. Yet, also to bring justice to a broken world, to fight for those who can’t fight for themselves, to give hope to those who have never had hope before, to help the needy, love the sickly.
Here in Malaysia my team and I see that; we are a part of that. Our ministry is hospital visits and house prayer visits. Within the first week, we were met with a woman as we were leaving the hospital thanking us for praying over her husband. After having been in the hospital for over a month with no known causes of his sickness, he left the hospital the day after we prayed for him. We constantly see the hunger people have for Jesus, especially when they’re battling unknown, and sometimes overwhelming, sicknesses. During the day, we’ve taken upon ourselves to pray over the neighborhood we’re staying at. We’ve met so many Hindu families that have invited us into their homes to serve us drinks and allow us to pray for them. "What? You want us to pray to Jesus for you? Okay, no need to ask twice." Even with all of our free time, my team has never felt the Lord’s presence so strongly. His hand is all over this month.
And still the question arises in my heart, Where are you Jesus?
I find this to be true in my life and in the lives of my squad mates that I’ve talked to. Before we left, we heard story upon story upon story of the goodness of the Lord. Surely it’s been a little glamorized. But just as much as the Race is for ‘the least of these’ it’s also for those of us on the Race. It's about helping people we meet along the way, and for Racers, it's about truly discovering identity. I find myself in a position of wanting in waiting. I want, but I'll wait til He comes. It’s just not enough. My squad has been purging itself of sins, of distractions, of junk in our lives that have blocked our view of the Lord. In my team, we’re beginning to see a greater picture of the Lord. We're placing ourselves in a posture and position to receive what He has for us. We're sitting with open hands. This is it!
..Isn't it??
No, not yet. We’re on the brink of exploding. I feel it in my soul. I feel it in my team. I feel it in my squad. I’ve laid groundwork of purging my sins to see Him more clearly but I realize I've been forgetting to actually look at the ground. It’s a pathway, a trail, a road. The groundwork was never meant to bring us to the Lord; it only creates the avenue to run to Him. None of this wanting in waiting but running, leaping and bounding, to the Father in a holy desperation, with an insatiable desire for Him and Him alone. Why? Because my life depends on it. Because He's worth it. Because.. Does it even matter why? Do I need a reason to react to what I feel for Him?
I subconsciously believed that the Race would bring me to a place of desperation. But it hasn’t, and I find myself longing for longing. Where are you Jesus?
The stiff and wooden quality about our religious lives is a result of our lack of holy desire. Complacency is a deadly foe of all spiritual growth. Acute desire must be present or there will be no manifestation of Christ to His people. He waits to be wanted.
If we would find God amid all the religious externals we must first determine to find Him, and then proceed in the way of simplicity. Now as always God discovers Himself to “babes” and hides Himself in thick darkness from the wise and the prudent. We must simplify our approach to Him. We must strip down to essentials (and they will be found to be blessedly few). We must put away all effort to impress, and come with the guileless candor of childhood. If we do this, without doubt God will quickly respond.
– A.W. Tozer, The Pursuit of God
