I'm letting go and just letting words flow in some form or fashion that just naturally grows and blows up into something so lovely and so literally heavy that we can't ignore the glory that so plainly shines on our unveiled faces.
I just read some old blog posts from six years, prompting me to write and think so much about how this will progress but still letting the thoughts come naturally. I want it for me, and I want it for you. That silly sentence in the beginning was an attempt for me to just practice. But here's the meat. Let's gooo..
As our launch date is fast approaching and our training camp even faster approaching, the World Race is constantly on my mind. People continually ask me if I'm ready or if I'm excited. I enthusiastically reply, "Yes! Absolutely" but in each conversation, the Lord reminds me that I can't escape from the reality that I am, in fact, not ready. 11 countries in 11 months? Whew, I know if I survive this it is fully the Lord's provision and strength. The satisfying thing is a theme I've been reminded of by my cousin. The Lord doesn't ever call those who are equipped and qualified. Instead, by the Spirit and in Jesus, he equips and qualifies those whom he has called.
Glory. I'm deeply entrenched in this word as of late, stemming from a sermon at my church, Vintage21, (you can listen here if you'd like) and ultimately culminating in a conversation with a friend. Both major contributors spring from Exodus as a biblical reference to recent yearnings of my heart. In unraveling my preconceived ideas within Christianity, I use this statement as an anchor to keep myself from the prideful entanglement of my thoughts – "I want the fullness of what the Lord has for me, as raw and as pure as I can handle, and when I'm full to the brim, I pray the Spirit increase my capability to receive more." It's crazy. It's good. And it's crazy good.
In Philippians 2, Paul describes the phenomenon of Jesus being fully human and fully divine. This is known as "the Kenosis," which means "the emptying." Jesus exemplified this by taking on the form of a servant, in the likeness of man. Just as he emptied himself to become a man, while still maintaining his full divinity, I must also empty myself to become more like Jesus. I've realized my yearning to be filled with all the fullness the Lord has for me, but I'm holding back on emptying my chalice that's full of my wants, desires, and preferences.
In Exodus 33, we find Moses interceding to the Lord on behalf of the Israelites who have created for themselves an idol of a golden calf days after their liberation. His prayer is simple, "Show me your ways (v13). Show me your glory (v18)." The Lord, so graciously, passes by Moses and the result an inexplicable and uncontainable face shining with the glory of the Lord. Crazy! If Moses experienced such beauty and shone so brightly that he wore a veil, how much more should we, temples of the Holy Spirit, shine the glory of the Lord?
The Hebrew word for 'glory' is "Kabowd", derived from the root word "Kabad", which translates to 'weighty'. I long for the fullness of the Lord but still hesitate with the weight of his glory. In the deep longings of my heart, I want my cup to be full of who I am and what I want. The truth is I can't desire the fullness of his glory and not allow the heaviness that follows to fall. These are two opposing ideas. I need to release my ideas of what it looks like for the Lord to show me his glory. I know it will end up in splashing "me" waters, spilling out of my cup. That's just it. There's no testing the waters. There's no checking the conditions. Jesus says Follow me, and I want to lay down my nets and follow him, however that may look like and where ever that may lead.
Spirit, empty me of myself to be filled with the weight of his glory.
