I should be writing about Vietnam and the beauty that ensued there. I could write about our dealings with ministry here in Uganda, and I probably will, but not much. I’m here just writing.
We’re in Month 7. Seven months of being away from home. Seven months of being in close quarters with 5 or 6 other people. Seven months of the same 7 shirts and the same 3 pairs of shorts. Seven months of no independence. Seven months of little to no preference of what food I eat. Seven months of continual ministry.
I’ve dubbed these kinds of blogs ‘Race Blogs’ because this is when they really relate the World Race to an actual race. Whenever I read these kinds of blog posts, I always thought to myself, ‘I don’t understand why it’s such a big deal.’ Yet here I am, feeling exactly the way previous Racers probably felt as they wrote their blogs. I never thought that’d be me.
I think about home a lot. It’s not a present option nor do I want it to be. I don’t think it’s a sign of burn out. I just think about it because I miss it. I miss people in North Carolina. I miss having a couch to lounge on and grilling out on the porch. I miss being alone in an empty house with carpet to lie on. I miss my bed. It’s the small things. Of course they made up home. There are so many things to look forward to with the coming of home. I’m excited for the familiar but also for the new. Home is the anticipated finish.
I’m in the same position that hundreds have felt before me. A place of exhaustion, a tiredness of what I’m doing and where I am. A place of realizing and feeling, though I knew in my head before we left, that the Race isn’t the end all and it isn’t the highest form of community. This isn’t how life is supposed to be, but I’ve signed up for this for the time being. And the Lord continuously and gently reminds me, ‘It’s a matter of endurance.’
Oh yeah! And the memories come to mind of when I prayed for perseverance, when I asked for the Lord to make me less short sighted. And here I am learning endurance, walking through the next four and a half months with anticipation of the awaited goal of home. How do I grow in endurance? He gives me opportunities to practice and grow in endurance; He doesn’t just give me more of it.
I’m exhausted, yet I’m finding stride. I’m bouncing with the problems, the difficulties; I’m moving with the ebb and flow of Race life. Is this how it is in a real race? Do you finally get into a rhythm when your muscles are waning?
I was learning about the good things the Father gives. I was receiving the good things He has for me. But I’m longing and desiring the heavenly things, not just the good things. And that’s why I feel this stride is coming in, amidst the difficulties and the frustrations and the lack of endurance. My goal becomes more than just home, more than just the end of the Race, more than just seeking the good things. It’s an eternal perspective. After all, He’s placed eternity in my heart.
