The funny thing about my understanding of things is that it always needs to be tweaked. A lot of times I get caught in the trap that because I've put a lot of thought and time and submission into a subject, my conclusion must be a sound result. I'm reminded, however, that there is always more to learn. This comes as an extension to the last post; another tweak that while tiny made a huge impact on my learning and growth the past week.
I start off by confessing my heart. I wrote 'Choosing In' believing the words but not necessarily feeling those words. I guess you could say the truth penetrated my mind but it never fully completed the journey to my heart. I awoke the day after writing that post feeling the same weightiness, that is until I took to pen to paper, and ultimately, took to the Lord. Here's a passage from my journal..
After writing and rereading that last question, it dawned on me the contrary nature of the words I used. How is it possible to strive and try for rest? It's not. So after finishing my thoughts, the Spirit prompted me to sit and soak in the presence of Him – no bible, no journal, no pen, no thoughts.. just sitting and listening and being. No bible because the intangible words my heart grasped from Him were exactly what I needed to hear, no journal or pen because the affection and affirmation He poured out was for my heart alone, and no thoughts because all I wanted were His thoughts to become my own.
For 20 minutes I could only picture myself at the feet of Jesus. I could see His feet, His precious feet, all the way to His knees and then no higher. But I didn't need to; I didn't want to. I was in the same room as my beautiful Savior. What more could I want than His presence? United Pursuit was peacefully singing sweet truths, "Praise the One who has saved me from death. He is God. He is good. He is Jesus. Yeshua, I love you!" I stayed there for as long as I could, weeping, for the presence of the Lord was thick and oh so satisfying. It was one of the richest moments I've had in a while. How can I bring you into this instant??
I can't. But I invite you to sit and let the Spirit bring you into the Holy of Holies. He is more than capable. And better yet, He more than desires for you to just be with Him. You don't know how? He will show you. I promise you – there is nothing more that the Father desires than your complete attention right now.
The lesson I learned – It did come down to choosing, though not in the way I previously concluded. Before I was choosing Jesus for the sake of having steps to take and things to do after that choice. I chose Jesus so that I could effectively choose growth and vulnerability and a good day. The tweak? It is a choice of resting, not a choice of doing. Now I choose Jesus, and by that I mean I sit and rest and wait and listen. Why? Because I'm with Him. Choosing to grow or choosing to be vulnerable – those come after the fact that I choose Him just to be.
