I have been struggling to write this blog. It has been a while since I have written anything, not even a journal. I have taken notes during podcasts and written down bible verses that hit my heart, but as for my thoughts and feelings, I have not been able to put them into words. This confuses me because I normally have no problem putting my mind to the paper, or computer screen. How do you confine the description of the work of the Holy spirit to mere human language.
I could not figure out how to describe what it is like to be fully aware of everything I have ever been afraid of, about my life, about myself. The first few months of the world race involved stripping away layers that I though defined who I was. These layers consisted of all of the successes and failures I have encountered in my life, all of the things I am good at and all of the mistakes I have made. It was painful at times but more freeing than anything else I have ever experienced.
None of those things define who I am. My identity is not as a saved sinner, or as a lost soul that is found. See when Jesus gave it all on the cross that day, he wiped the slate clean for all of us. God sees us simply as we are to him, sons and daughters. The things I use to judge and define myself and others here on earth are not what God sees in me. I tend to put God inside my box of understanding, and bring His glory to the size of my problems. God is bigger than anything I can dream up. His love extends far beyond my understanding of what love even is.
Back to being afraid of everything about me… I was scared that God would love me less or see me as a broken soul compared to my squad-mates. I felt inadequate because of my struggles and my past. I was afraid of the unknown, of what fully committing to a life following the Lord would mean. I was putting God inside my understanding box and my perception of myself. He created the freaking Universe! To think that his perception of me or any situation I come across is the same as mine is just laughable.
So here in Vietnam, where we can't really talk about Jesus, where we can't pray in public, where we can't tell everyone what we are doing, God did the greatest work in me yet. He showed me how small and insignificant my “problems” actually are, and how blessed I am. He revealed to me a little more of his greatness. There is nothing about God that can be confined to our perception and understanding of him.
I am still $300 short of my December deadline. I could really use the financial support, your donation will help me to stay in the field and continue the good work that God has started. After this deadline I have to be fully funded by March. I am currently $4,800 short of this deadline. You can donate by clicking on the link to the left.
