It has been quite some time since I've blogged. I can't really put my finger on why. I know there have been a million things swirling around in my life, but I guess I've felt like I don't have anything good to say about them.
I try not to talk if I don't have anything good to say. But sometimes my insecurities lead me to say things anyway. I think we often put too much stock into what people say, and not enough into who they are. I know I do, at least.
Obviously you can tell I am at odds with blogging. I feel like sometimes it brings out a preachy I'm-really-important side of me that I don't like. Maybe I just don't know how to blog the right way.
Anyway, I just want to level with everyone and say that I want to make this blog about Jesus, not about my writing skills or lack thereof. I think it's okay to talk about myself and my struggles, but I want it to be in light of who Christ is and the part that I play in HIS story.
So God is really good. He's also really faithful.
I'm learning this in practical ways everyday, especially since I'm drawing close to launch. It's like all these lies and doubts I believed at the beginning of this whole thing have been systematically smashed by the Lord. And every time it's like He's saying, "You see how small that actually was, and how big I actually am?"
It's really kind of funny how ignorant I am of what He's doing until its done. So much has come together beautifully and I'm only appreciating it now. Hopefully in the future God will show me how to see it when He's doing it, but I digress (I love it when people use that word).
I want you guys to know that I'm doing well. I figure that if you're reading this you are one of two people: a person who cares enough about my life to read the nonsense I write, or some websurfer that was intrigued by my title. Regardless, it's good to let the World know how awesome Jesus is.
When Jesus starts something, He sticks with it. "Being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." (Phil. 1:6) Everyday I become more confident of this, because everyday God is relentlessly kind to me. It doesn't make sense. I mean I guess it goes back to the Gospel and the free gift of Grace, but that stuff DEFINITELY doesn't make sense. Really everyday I am amazed that God is letting me be a part of what He's doing, because I don't deserve it one bit. Fortunately, He is faithful even when we're not.
I'm so glad He's willing to come after me. I'm so glad He can see something in me that I can't. And I'm really excited to see walls come down this next year. I hate walls. Walls separate. But Jesus wants to be with me. And He's willing to smash them.
I drink from broken, dirty cisterns all the time. I run to things that leave me emptier than before. But God promises living water and that's what I want. The fallen parts of me don't really want Him, but the heart he has brought to life really really does.
And If this trip can catalyze wall-breaking and living-water-drinking, then I am very excited, because my very being was made for Him and I can't run on anything else.
