"Let's say, hypothetically, that I do believe in a God. Even if he exists, he's doing a pretty terrible job. The innocent die, while criminals live on. Natural disasters kill thousands. Healthy people get sick and pass away. Where is God in all that? Why does he let that happen if he's so powerful and loving?!"
This kind of thinking has confronted me in many ways, from many different sources. Unfortunately one of those sources has been my doubting mind. As much as I would like to pretend that I don't doubt or question God…I can't. It's just not true. I have my moments. Everyone does. I think that some people are just better at hiding it than others.
So what does it mean to have faith? Is it the absence of doubt? Or is it having doubt, but choosing to believe anyway? To be honest, I'm not sure. But I like how C.S. Lewis puts it. He says, "Faith is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted in spite of your changing moods." So if my life has been a testament to the goodness of God, and I have seen that His word is true, then faith for me is to continue to believe that God is loving and good, despite my personal circumstances or what I see on the news. I know this example is not the case for everyone, but most Christians should be able to relate to some degree.
The "holding on" that Lewis refers to is no easy task. We have everyday reminders that we are living in a broken world. Life is confusing. How can good and evil coexist so easily? We feel the love from a close friend. Then that same friend hurts us the next day. What is going on? From the big to small, something is wrong with our world.
I don't pretend to have a convincing, game-changing argument for the questions posed in the first paragraph. But Jesus is truth. Truth is a person (Props to Furious Love). Not an argument. Not a belief. A person. And that person knows what's going on.
Earlier this year I was at a week long retreat in Virginia with some friends and leaders of mine. During that week we had some of the best moments of community I've ever experienced. People were getting healed, trust was being restored, and God was moving. But then tragedy struck. A woman at the retreat got a phone call informing her that her two year old son had just died. I had no idea what was happening when I heard her screaming, but as soon as I got to her she told me. I had no words. How could this happen? WHY would this happen? I sat there with tears in my eyes, trying to understand.
After an agonizing period of time, I heard the unmistakable sound of worship coming from the upstairs window. I was caught off guard that someone would think to worship at a time like that. If I can be even more honest, I was kind of offended. I wanted to sulk in my sadness and pity for the human race, but God had something to teach me.
I begrudgingly walked up the steps and sat down at the edge of the worship circle. I had already planned on remaining hardened until the worship ended, but then the song changed. The leader started singing "Tis So Sweet To Trust In Jesus." It was at that point that I realized what God was really up to. He wanted me to look beyond what I could see. He wanted me "just to take Him at His word". When I began to look at Him and not the pain of a grieving mother, things didn't look so bad.
I realized He came to give life…not to take it. All the pain and suffering we experience are terrible, but His plan of redemption makes them seem small in comparison. When He first made this world, He knew that Love would be worth the great price.
Trusting Jesus isn't about disregarding our pain. It's not about living in a fantasy world where everything is alright, even when it's not. Trusting Jesus is about believing in a love that is bigger than right now. It is remembering that when God wanted us to know He loves us, He did it by dying. He gave everything. What more could He do to earn our trust than die for us?
This is a tough subject. And even as I am writing this I am thinking of my grandpa who was just diagnosed with terminal lung cancer. I hate the pain. But LOVE IS WORTH IT!!! Jesus is our reward.
When I sat there mourning the death of that child, God brought another song to my mind: the last twenty seconds of "How He Loves Us" by John Mark McMillan (Original Version)
"I thought about you the day Stephen died,
And you caught me between my breaking.
I know that I still love you, God, despite the agony.
Some people…they want to tell me you're cruel,
But if Stephen could sing, he'd say it's not true, cause you're good.
Cause He loves us. Woah how he loves us."
