We just had our last day in Tanzania. For me it was a month of rapid growing, door-to-door evangelism, and preaching several sermons that took well over an hour. What is my life?
But it’s interesting… every month we are told when our “last day of ministry,” will be. And once that day is over, my mind tends to shut down. I switch off, from constantly seeking out ways to love people to having lazy sleepy time. And I feel like it’s my time for rest. My time to be rejuvenated by just being alone with my Father.
But sometimes our Father will love us by waking us up from our sleep.
This Sunday, after our 5-hour church service, we were finally finished. (Not that it was bad work, because I loved it. But it feels good to put closure on things). And it’s strange how after it’s over, my mind will start to venture into the next month and all of the questions that go with it. What will we do? Where will we be? What will God teach me this time?
But as I paced in and out of the house, I noticed a young man that kept watching me and smiling.
(Don’t worry, this is normal)
If you’ve been out of the country long enough, you start to recognize the looks that people give you. And this was a look that I knew all too well. The “You are American and I want to practice my English with you, but I’m too shy to approach you,” look. Trust me. You will see it a lot.
So I had two choices. Smile, wave, and walk away (Since I knew he wasn’t going to approach me). OR I could really go the extra four miles and actually talk to him. (It’s crazy to look back a realize that my mind is so selfish that I would rather pace in and out of a house, alone, than to love someone by talking to them).
But I was convicted. I felt it in my spirit to talk with him. What would it hurt? And I'm never going to see him again.
So we talked. At first, we went through the usual introduction as he stumbled through his English. We each had to repeat ourselves several times for clarification (with the occasional smile and head-nod combo to indicate that you understood, even though you didn’t). Then he began to ask me about my education, and it quickly became clear that he was very passionate to learn from me.
He wanted anything that he could receive from me. For some reason he was convinced that I had a secret vault of newspapers and textbooks that I brought with me to Africa. And for probably 20 minutes, I tried to explain to him that I was poor, at the mercy of God, and literally had nothing to offer him to help with his education. And to be completely transparent with you guys, I was getting a little bit annoyed.
I don’t usually get frustrated with language barriers because they can’t be helped, but selfish thoughts began overwhelming my mind. This was an inconvenience to my night; I just wanted to be alone; he can’t understand me and I’m tired of repeating myself. I just wanted to walk away. But instead, I bitterly tried to push through.
Eventually, the conversation changed. He finally got it—that I had nothing to give to him. So with a smile on his face, he said to me, “You are poor too, and you have nothing to offer me. Maybe you can just give me advice? Anything.” And he waited.
In that moment, it hit me (finally) that this was an opportunity to tell him about what the Lord has done for me. I could explain to him what God had JUST taught me—that aside from him, I have no wisdom. That every day I have to wake up and ask the Lord for help. And so I explained Jesus. I got to explain that when I pray to him that he hears me, and answers me. An opportunity to share the truth of God was staring me in the face, and all I could think about was myself.
Luckily, God loves us enough to give us more than one chance to do things. I was completely wrapped up in my idea that there was a time to do ministry and a time to rest. A time to go out of your way to love someone, and a time to be selfish. But I know that that’s not who our God is. He doesn’t just show me love and grace part of the time. It’s a never-ending fountain that I am compelled to share as well. And as his son and as a follower of Jesus, I am called to live like him. Not to just love when it’s convenient. Not just love the people that are easy to love. But to show love in every situation.
1 John 4:19 “We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For anyone who does not love his brother, whom he has seen, cannot love God, whom he has not seen. And he has given us this command: Whoever loves God must also love his brother.”
Our conversation continued… and there’s much more that happened after this. But that will all be in Part 2.
