SUFFERING IS LOVE
6 months until the race. 6 months and God will *really* use me. 6 months.
This was my first train of thought.. It's crazy the lies that I can live in even when God is speaking truth into my life. Lately, i've come to the realization that i will be *preaching* the gospel. No matter where i go, this is my job now. So i began to pray for truth, daily. It seemed dubious, but i persisted and He answered with this: Your journey doesn't start in six months, it starts with me. Now. The God i'm coming to know is constant. Never changing and always accomidating. Am I called? Yes. Does my calling start in 6 months? No. It begins now. God is teaching me-preparing me for things to come. Not just for this next year, but so I can continue and start to further his kingdom now. Love and suffering. This is this month's lesson in my life. Oxymoron? Maybe. Beautiful? Always. True? Definitely.
This is where my thought starts: In Philippians, Paul is talking about his lack of confidence in the flesh. In chapter 3, verse 10 he says, "I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and (I want to know) the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,"
When i read this for the first time, I reread it again and again. I was scared and challenged. But, of course! It makes sense. To love someone is to know them. And to know them is to share in their sufferings. Empathy. That is so essential-to put yourself there. How much more can we love when we suffer with someone-when we are there, present in the same situation.
I was talking to a good friend who had recently been hurt by someone. She told me a story: She was drawing; Jesus, actually. With charcoal, she was going over the lines in his face when she realized that she was actually touching His face. She was present, with Christ. As she talked to God, she asked if the person who did her wrong would ever understand how much they hurt her (which they did, very deeply). But God's response was not to answer her question, but to ask her another one. "Will you feel this with me?" The pain that he endured to redeem us, would she feel it with him? Would she give him a chance TO BE KNOWN-to empathize with her savior. How much more deeply can we love our Christ when we suffer with our Christ?
Again, Jesus talks about suffering with him. He says in John 15:18 "If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first." But if suffering means love, it changes the way you consider this, doesn't it? The world hating us-It's not a terrible thing, but a gift to endure it with the love of our Father and to be made one in our sufferings. When we do this, we share in his love and in his glory. Romans 8:17, "Now if we are children, then we are heirs–heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory."
SUFFERING IS LOVE IS LIFE IS DEATH
Mentally, I can no longer separate these four things. And it has been haunting me which is why I felt the need to share this. I feel like with one of these gifts or challenges come the other three. But this week I choose to live a life that embraces them all, knowing that my God wants only what is best for me.
A few days ago, God put this into perspective for me in a tangible way:
I was sitting at panera bread in the corner of the room that oversaw the rest of the room. Directly in front of me was a gay couple. I looked at the two men and noticed how uncomfortable they looked. It struck me as strange, so I began to try and figure out why. But i couldn't. In the process I realized that I actually knew one of the guys from my old church and I was filled with excitement because I remembered who he was. I didn't see his sexuality. I saw him. He and his partner finished and got up and walked passed me, and as they approached me, I blurted out, "Hey, don't i know you? You went to the Naz, right?" In that moment, his uncomfort left him and he was surprised by the willingness of a conversation. Our conversation was brief, but God gave me a glimpse into the reality of the situation. It all made sense. I saw that the uncomfort was a result of everyone around them staring and whispering. I saw that even though he had been "out of the closet," for several years, he still isn't used to the ignorance, intolerance, and hatred that run through the veins of those around him. I saw that this very thing probably happens everywhere that they goes and that after 10+ years of the same thing, it still wasn't easy. I immediately felt it. It rushed to me like a memory that had been forgotten. He left, but I just wanted to hug him. To let him know that he is loved. That even though the world has told him that his sexuality is who he is, he has a Holy Father that is waiting for him to come home. The rest of the day, I wept. I suffered with them, because they too are loved by the Father, and therefore loved by me. It says in scripture to rejoice with one another and mourn with one another, so i did. I mourned for their loss of comfort and acceptance. And because I was able to feel what they felt, and suffer along side them, I was able to love them more deeply than ever before-like a brother. It was beautiful. This was what God had been talking to me about this whole time. To suffer with someone is to know them and to love them deeply. To live fully was to die to judgement and live in love.
Suffering and death have such a negative connotation to them. And love and life are the reason we live. But what if all four are equally important? What if the only way to have one is to have the other three along side with them? What if love and life can only go so far until they are accompanied with death and suffering? Wouldn't that mean that we are grossly selling ourselves short by playing a safe, convinient lifestyle?
I pray that I may suffer with Christ so that I may understand his love, die to myself, and live in Him.
I pray that I may love perfectly so that I may die to sin, live blamelessly, and suffer what he suffered.
I pray that I may die to myself, so that i can live again in Christ, share in his sufferings, and love more deeply.
I pray that I may live fully in Christ, suffer as he suffered, love as he loved, and die as he died..
Amen.
