What do you do when you hit a roadblock? You look for a detour, right?
Well, this month has been just that for me…desperately looking for
detours. It’s not a bad thing, all it means is that I have to change
course, get creative, suck it up and press on. I thought I’d share with
you an excerpt from an email I sent a friend a few days ago. It gives a
glimpse into my heart.
Nouwen. I love his perspective on solitude. He helped me understand the
importance of solitude and the difference between being alone and being
lonely. Last year I spent a couple of months in solitude. I still went
to work, hung out with friends, went on facebook (lol), but there was
this place within my soul and spirit that was set apart. It was a space
meant only for me and my Father. He would speak tenderly to me there. We
would spend hours together sharing secrets. It was a really sweet time
with the Lord and I soon realized that I had learned a new discipline. I
found myself wondering why it had taken me so long to discover this
reality. Then I realized I had allowed the world to dictate how I spent
my time. Its expectations of me kept me from seeking solitude for
myself. Most of the time its intentions were good and what it wanted me
to do was important, but was my heart prepared?
Ministry will suck me dry if I allow it. I can become very task
oriented, focusing more on efficiency and end results rather than
freedom of the Holy Spirit and the process. Solitude is what keeps me
grounded. Solitude is what increases my availability. Instead of burning
out, solitude fuels my fire. When I start battling fatigue I know it’s
because I need solitude. What are the symptoms of solitude-deficiency?
Frustration. Escapism. Irritation. Confusion. Resentment. It gets pretty
ugly really fast. I had to cling to my Father a lot the other day
because I felt these symptoms creeping up in a BIG way. I’ve been
reading through Colossians and when I came across this verse it struck
my heart. I’ve been meditating on it for the past few days. “Let
your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that
you may know how to answer everyone.” Col
3:6 And then this morning our team was studying Mark and I read: “Everyone
will be salted with fire. Salt is good, but if it loses its saltiness,
how can you make it salty again? Have salt in yourselves, and be at
peace with each other.” Mark 9:49-50
I made with my team and squad during launch. It reminded me why I’m
doing what I’m doing and gave me the strength to continue. I’m not gonna
lie, I was wanting to throw in the towel. I was feeling pretty
frustrated, discouraged and fatigued. I wanted to check out. So I dug a
little deeper. Pressed a little harder. Clung a little tighter to the
train of His robe. And as always, He was faithful to fill me up. Give
strength to my bones. Soften my heart. Prepare me for one more day of
battle. My heart’s desire is to have some saltiness linger on the lips
of those I speak to. I want to leave them better than what they were
before. Whether or not they receive the “seasoning” is not my concern.
All I have to focus on is being obedient. I can truly say that this
month is really teaching me to be intentional with my words and how I
spend my time.
