there’s a verse that says, “we are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed…” (2 Cor. 4:8) i imagine this is what suffocation feels like. if that’s the case then i’m suffocating. i know this sounds morbid but stay with me.
this month in moldova i have made a fire almost every night in our wood burning stove. there is one key ingredient that is a necessity when making fire. oxygen.
without oxygen the fire burns out. i need oxygen. my flame is but a flicker right now. i’m on the verge of burning out. i’m suffocating.
i need a fresh wind to blow. i need His breath to breathe on me right now. nothing else will satisfy. and although i know He sees me on the verge of burning out, He will not let my fire die. because He loves me that much. and although He sees me hard pressed on every side, He will not let me be crushed. because He is that GOOD.
the bible says we are jars of clay (2 Corinthians 4:7). it is known that in order to strengthen and harden clay and set their shape, clay must be fired in a kiln. however, there are important stages that must occur prior to the firing. first, the clay must be de-aired by a machine or by hand, called wedging. once it’s de-aired, the clay is shaped by a variety of techniques (hand building, the potter’s wheel, pressure casting, etc.). then once it is shaped, the clay body is dried before firing. the drying process consists of several stages. the leather-hard stage is when there is 15% moisture in the clay body and it is firm and slightly pliable. during this stage, trimming and handle-attachment occur. once the moisture reaches 0% the clay body is considered bone dry. it is at this stage that the clay bodies are the most fragile and can easily be broken. now the clay is ready to be fired.
do you find it interesting that the firing process occurs after the
clay body is bone dry? in other words, it’s not until the clay is at
it’s most fragile state that it can then be made strong and set in shape through the firing process. it was less than a month ago that i found myself bone dry. i knew i was fragile. i knew i could easily be broken. i wanted to walk around with a fragile handle with care sticker on my forehead (however, just looking at my face spoke volumes…so…no sticker was needed).
well…i have now entered the firing stage. i know what you are thinking. “oh juliette, that’s wonderful. God is refining you in His fire.” but it’s so much deeper than that. He is testing me. here is an excerpt from a devotional my pastor, Rick Warren, wrote that explains the process i’m going through right now:
A very important test is how you act when you can’t feel
God’s presence in your life. Sometimes God intentionally draws back,
and we don’t sense his closeness. A king named Hezekiah experienced
this test. The Bible says, “God withdrew from Hezekiah in order to
test him and to see what was really in his heart.” (2 Chronicles
32:31 NLT)
Hezekiah had enjoyed a close fellowship with God, but at a crucial
point in his life God left him alone to test his character, to reveal a
weakness, and to prepare him for more responsibility.
earlier i shared that i feel like i’m suffocating. i need oxygen otherwise i’m gonna burn out. i need Him to breathe on me. nothing else will satisfy. yet, at the same time, i have a clear understanding that the Lord has withdrew Himself from me for the time being. to test my character. reveal a weakness. and prepare me for more responsibility. so where does that leave me? hopeless? helpless? alone?
not even close. during the same time that i sensed His withdrawal i have also sensed a deeper longing to be with Him. i don’t think i explained that clearly enough. it’s more like a craving. i wake up and go to bed craving more of Him. i can physically feel it inside of me in my heart and stomach. so what does all of this mean? in the midst of testing my character and preparing me for more responsibility, He has revealed a weakness within me. here it is: i don’t fair well when it comes to cultivating and hosting the presence of God. ouch. but this is okay, because in my weakness, He is made strong. therefore….
i am learning to cultivate and host the presence of God. because there is a HUGE difference between waiting for the presence of God and bringing the presence of God. and i want to bring it.
“we are to become His resting place�”the place from which the exploits of
Heaven are accomplished. For when the Lord rests upon a person, there is
actually an atmospheric shift that takes place wherever that person
goes…learning to host the presence of God provides the atmosphere of the
heart where faith becomes natural and normal.” Bill Johnson
wow that’s good….wait. what just happened? i’m pretty sure i just took a deep breath. yep. oxygen. it’s good stuff. one breath at a time. daughter. one breath at a time.
(sidenote: i would place cultivating the presence of God under the subdivision of change. because this type of intimacy is all about changing the atmosphere)
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