Ephesians 4 talks about unity and maturity in the body of Christ. It tells us to be humble and gentle with one another, to be patient, bearing with one another in love. It says to make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace. It tells us to speak truth in love and in doing so we will grow to become the mature body of Christ.
The enemy wants nothing more than to create division in Christian community, whether that be in friendships, marriages, churches, or other relationships. He does this because where there is healthy communication and connection, there is Kingdom being built.
At World Race training camp we talked about what it looks like to be a powerless communicator vs. a powerful communicator. Powerless communicators are passive, aggressive, or passive aggressive. Sometimes it’s hard to say the hard things so we just avoid saying anything at all. That can be the most gratifying option in the short term situation, but long term its more destructive. Most of the time passivity stems from fear. When it comes to passivity in conflict resolution, we fear the reaction from the other person or fear the outcome of the situation. In other situations we may even do it to people please. It’s fear based but appears to be selfless. How many times have you been in the car with a group of friends trying to decide where to go eat?
“Where do you want to go eat?”
“I don’t care, where do you want to go?”
“I don’t care, it’s up to you.”
The flip side of powerless communication may be aggressiveness. The aggression comes out as a deflection strategy. Sometimes people can be really bold about what they say, but lack tact. Aggression often comes across as invalidation of emotions or ideas that someone else presented. It is usually a manifestation of an offendable spirit.
Throughout these eleven months we are in close quarters with other people. Often times alone time doesn’t exist. We have to figure out how to live, communicate, and work alongside each other. It can be really hard at times. The World Race implements a communication tool called feedback. I’m 27 days into this 330 day journey and I can already tell that feedback is going to be one of the most edifying parts of the race. As a team, we sit down every day and give each other feedback. The feedback can be affirming or constructive and the point of it is to develop and call out the potential in someone. We all have blind spots and areas where we can grow. Feedback creates the space for brothers and sisters in Christ to communicate in a healthy way and not be afraid to put things on the table.
The best part of feedback is highlighting one another’s areas of strength and empowering each other to live boldly in those. It also teaches us to be assertive in communication and to talk things out with one another if we feel like a situation could have been executed better. I have to admit sitting down and doing this structured feedback every day feels a little awkward at first, but the idea is that we become really good at it as a team and it becomes second nature to call things out and hold each other higher.
A few things I’ve learned from giving and receiving feedback:
-When you’re receiving feedback, you’re just supposed to say “thank you” and move on. This is a hard discipline for me! I tend to want to explain my heart or intention behind something that may have been perceived differently. I have learned that even if there are good intentions and a clear heart in doing this, it could come across as defensive.
-Reminding someone of their strengths goes a long way. There’s an even higher form of love while highlighting someone’s strengths. Finding a way to empower them within that strength will help them utilize it even better. An example that was given around our dinner table was,
“Hey ____, I notice you can take any situation and point it back to the Lord. You always see the positive side of things and I love that about you! You are always eager to jump in and pray for meals and point us towards Christ in any situation. Since you are so strong in this area, I want to encourage you to empower others to pray and/or see the positive side of any situation.”
-When you see an area of growth for someone, it is received better when you first tell them how they are doing it well before offering a suggestion on how they can grow within that. An example of that could look like this:
“Hey ___, I love the insight you provide to situations. I love listening to your wisdom because it shows you really know the heart of our Father. When you’re giving us a new perspective I notice you tend to doubt yourself. I encourage you to walk confidently in what you’re saying because it’s valid and helpful!”
“Hey ___, you are so good at giving grace to others. I encourage you to do the same with yourself. I have observed you’re hard on yourself sometimes. Remember not to sweat the small stuff.”
My team has done an awesome job implementing feedback they’ve been given and it’s so cool to watch that growth happen because someone empowered them to do it!
Some feedback I’ve been given is not to second guess myself in my role as team leader. My team encouraged me that when I make a decision for us as a group, they’ll follow it and I don’t have to ask for input all the time. They’re calling me higher in boldness and confidence and reminding me that they have my back.
Other feedback I’ve been given is not to be too hard on myself or put weight on my back that’s not mine to carry. Everybody is going to fail and in fact, we’re supposed to! That’s how we learn.
Our team even had a feedback session with our hosts, Danny and Heather. We asked them to call us higher or find areas of growth for our team! They loved that we were seeking growth and gave some great pointers. We gave them feedback too and hopefully it will help them when they have other World Race teams come through.
I’m learning a lot about communication and love the ways the Lord is stretching and growing me in this area!
Some prayer requests as of now: Pray that as we wrap up this month here, we leave our hosts feeling blessed and that their cups are overflowing. Sometimes hosting people can be exhausting but we are trying to steward ourselves in such a way that instead of feeling drained, they feel re-fueled. Pray for team unity. Pray for growth individually and collectively as a team. Pray for the Holy Spirit to fall fresh on Las Lajas, Panama. There are beautiful hearts here longing to know Him more. Pray for the women here who are often targeted. 98% of girls in the indigenous reservation are sexually assaulted before the age of 12. Pray that they cling to God and find their worth and healing in Him! Pray for our hosts as they live out the call on their hearts to serve the people of Panama. Pray for safe travels to Costa Rica! Pray for good rest at debrief before we start our next month of ministry. We will be in Jaco, Costa Rica and it is all squad month so all 32 of us plus our 2 squad leaders will be together! I’m really excited for great fellowship and worship and know that rest will be something we have to fight for living in such a big community.
Love to all of you! Thank you for your kindness and prayers!
