We packed 13 big packs on the top and 15 people inside of this van to ride to our ministry site. My head was pressed up against someone’s backpack, a sweaty Chaco foot was in my face, and I didn’t know whose lap I was sitting on. It’s crammed moments like this of complete over stimulation that I think “what have I gotten myself into?”
It’s moments that I’m in the back of a taxi across the laps of my friends or riding in the back of a pickup truck down a bumpy dirt road that I think, “what have I gotten myself into?”
It’s nights where I start drifting off to sleep, just as the rest of the room bursts into synchronized song and dance with hairbrushes as microphones that I think “What have I gotten myself into?”
It’s moments where they announce we are having a second all squad month in a row that I think to myself “what have I gotten myself into?”
Where do you get moments of solitude to recharge even when you can’t be alone?
One time I was struggling to find rest during all squad month and asked this question to a group of friends; the answer given to me made me laugh out loud.
Jessie said, “If you go upstairs and crawl behind the couch, you can dangle your feet off the edge of the balcony and hide behind the plant. Usually no one will find you.”
With complete sincerity, I loved both all squad months and truly believe some of the best memories of the race will come from those two months. I also love having dance parties and hanging out in large groups of people who love each other. It’s just that sometimes it gets tricky to wiggle peace and quiet into the day. It’s hard to find time to be alone with my thoughts and actually process the beauty of everything God has revealed to me. When I don’t prioritize time to recharge, I feel like I’m running on empty.
At home my favorite places to find rest are absent on the World Race. My top favorite place to rest at home is cuddled up in my bed with pillows and fuzzy blankets, my great big study board across my lap with my bible, journal, and colored pencils spread evenly across the top. Until this month of cooler temperatures in Honduras, I couldn’t even remember the last time I went to sleep without sweating or the last time I was alone in a room. My second favorite place to find rest is long drives in the car. How I miss long drives on the highway praying out loud to my Father and singing worship songs at the top of my lungs. If I find myself in a car on the race, its likely a taxi with far too many people crammed inside trying to explain directions in Spanish. Another place I find solitude at home is in the shower. One time when I was 12, I was sure I had come up with the cure for cancer in the shower. It’s my thinking spot. Don’t worry, I still shower! I’ve actually showered almost every single day on the race. It’s just that the comfort I found in the shower is absent. It’s usually the kind of shower you have to start by holding your breath to brace the initial plunge of cold water. There’s usually someone waiting for me to get out so they can get in. Or in Nicaragua there were 3 showers in the dorm bathrooms and you were hardly ever the only one in there. Naturally it was the perfect scenario for girl talk or for a bathroom wide dance party to great hits like “Dancing Queen,” “I Wanna Dance with Somebody,” or “Single Ladies.” The last of my favorite places to find solitude at home is going on a run or working out. I’ve enjoyed running on the race, but its never without a friend. Most of the time even if we agree to refrain from talking, we have to talk about which way to go, what pace we are aiming for, etc. We’ve never put music in our ears because it drowns out some element of awareness of surroundings which we aren’t willing to compromise. (You’re welcome mom and dad.)
Here’s a few places I’ve found rest on the race:
- Noise-cancelling headphones paired with soft worship music
- Putting my headphones in even though they’re not plugged into anything; its usually taken as an unspoken do not disturb sign
- Walking at the front or back of a large group
- hand washing clothes in a pila
- Waking up with the sunshine
- Going on a walk or run with another introvert and agreeing not to talk
- Spending quality time with a dog
- Prayer
- Drawing or writing
- Getting over the fear of missing out
- Guarding my sleep
The same sweet friend who sacrificially told me her secret spot for solitude during all squad month really helped me gain perspective on finding rest even in the chaos.
She said in moments when she feels overwhelmed or overstimulated, she practices a pause. “Selah,” a word used 71 times in the book of Psalms, means pause and reflect. She led our squad in an exercise one morning to practice this pause. The goal was to engage as many senses as possible.
“When you look around right now, what do you see? How many different sounds can you hear right now? What can you tangibly feel right now?“
I wrote in my journal: I see mountains & trees & horses & a volcano. I see baby horses & hammocks swaying in the wind. I see a soccer field and a barbed wire fence. I hear the light whistle of the wind, doggos barkin’, power tools being used on the farm in the distance, someone sweeping, the tin roof of the pavilion cracking. I feel the concrete against my heels, dirt on the bottoms of my feet, sweat forming on the bridge of my nose, the breeze on my skin & through my hair.
”What can you learn about our creator?”
He’s a creative God. He’s an engaging God.
”What does God say is true of you?”
I’m creative too. He says I’m as intricate as the things I hear and see and feel. He says to open my eyes and engage with what I’m discovering.
“What sort of barriers or beliefs keep you from experiencing the fullness of Christ each day?”
Focusing on the negatives, annoyances, what’s lacking, or what’s unfair about a situation. Not talking to him constantly throughout the day or actively pursusing the renewal of my mindset.
Practicing the pause in the overwhelming moments has made a difference. It’s helped me find union with God even in the chaos. It’s a tool in my tool-belt to help me thrive as an introvert in a highly extroverted lifestyle. How can you practice the pause in your day?
Please enjoy your cup of coffee in your recliner with your favorite book today! Savor your commute to work. Enjoy your walk from the parking garage to the office. Enjoy folding your soft, drier sheet-smelling laundry for me today!
Prayer Requests: Pray for our team as we transition out of two all squad months in a row and are back living and working closely together as a team of six! Pray for true rest for our bodies and our souls. Pray for Ignite Ministry who we are serving with this month in Honduras. I am on my way to being fully-funded for the journey, but could still use your prayers and support! I’m at $13,887 and my final goal is $18,100. We are supposed to be fully funded by the end of November. Although I have a long way to go, I believe God can do it! He‘s amazed me so far with the way He has provided.
Sending love to all of you from Honduras,
Julie
