A month ago yesterday I turned 26. 13 months ago I lost my first “real” job after college. A year ago yesterday I paid $40 and applied for this crazy thing called, the World Race. I found out about the race on a Sunday and by Wednesday I had applied. I wasn’t sure what it was, I only knew that I was tired of living on my own accord.
Some of you might now know my story so I will give a little background. About two years ago my sister passed away from cancer. I remember when she was sick and in the hospital. At that point in my life I was the closest I had ever been with the Lord. I spent two months praying for a miracle and for Him to save her life. Every single day I was trusting the Lord and spending time interceding on my sister’s behalf. When she passed away in February 2014, I was broken. I did not understand why God had allowed someone so wonderful and kind, someone who could have changed the world for the good, and a lover of Jesus die at 29 years old. People always say that life is short but it wasn’t until the loss of my sister that I truly realized how quickly it can all be gone. I decided then there was no time for “I’ll do it tomorrow’s.” Yet somehow only two months after her passing I had moved to Columbus to start my new job as a restaurant manager where life quickly became full of never ending to do lists and tasks. I fell a victim to the “rat race” we run in America. I spent 13 months of my life giving the best of me to my job, working 55+ hours a week, unable to get connected with a church because of my fluctuating schedule, and finding my identity completely in my job. My plate seemed to be way too full all the time and just like that it wasn’t. I was fired the day I returned from vacation.
Looking back now I can so clearly see the Lord’s hand in the last year or so of my life. At the time I was completely broken and devastated. I could not understand why or how I could get “let go” from a position that I had poured so much of myself into. I was baffled and angry. I was angry that the only reason they could give me was that I wasn’t making the progress they wanted to see. I was angry that there were no previous conversations about my job being in jeopardy. I was angry because I had uprooted myself and moved to a completely different state. However, surpassing all my anger was hurt. I felt rejected and lost. My five year plan was shot. I didn’t have the slightest clue what to do next.
Even now over a year later there is still hurt from losing that job. I think about it more often than I care to admit and I just have to ask the Lord, why? How is it that so much time has passed, so many wonderful things have come to pass since then, so many other places in the world I’d rather be and yet I still think about that job? He has made it so clear to me that job does not matter. He helps put things into perspective and shows me how much greater the plans he has for me are. I am sitting here in Malaysia, in my seventh month of the race and I am blown away at His goodness. Sometimes it almost makes me feel like a brat for sulking in the why’s of how things haven’t worked out when I can obviously see how much better they are.
The past seven months have been spent giving all of my time to others in His name. I remember when I signed up for the race, some people could not understand how I was going to spend a year of my life working and not even getting paid. People would ask, “well what about marriage?” “Where are you going to live when you get home?” What are you going to do after the race?” They’d raise questions that I didn’t have the answers to but I knew God did and that was enough for me. Since being on the race I have spent more time in the presence of the Holy Spirit than ever before. I have prayed and my prayers have been obviously answered. I have been assured that He’s got me right where He wants me for this exact moment.
The thing about this life is this. Nobody can predict the future. Tragic life events happen, there are moments of extreme joy and excitement, unforeseen opportunities arise and choices must be made. Through all of that I want the Lord to have the ultimate say in my life. I have spent the past six months praying for whatever God has for me in this life that He reveal that. I have declared surrender and stand here today proclaiming that this life is not my own. I have reached a beautiful place of peace and being completely content. The difference between the girl I was a year ago was that I was coming on the race in hopes to figure this “life” out and to know what was next. I can tell you that I do not have this life figured out and I don’t know what I’m doing next because God has yet to reveal that to me. I can tell you that I will continue to ask and that as His time allows I will know and I will obey. I read a book called, So Long Insecurity by Beth Moore a few months ago and I think about this portion so frequently. I honestly believe it was a gift from God that I read this book when I did because it helped me so much to be confident in my future in Christ.
She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.
Both Psalm 112: 7-8 and Proverbs 31: 25 describe secure people. Not coincidentally, they have one profound characteristic in common. Neither gives the future the right to intimidate them. Their hearts are “steadfast, trusting in the LORD.” Insecurity feeds like a starving wolf off fear of the future—and not just the distant future of aging, infirmity, or death. Insecurity fears what might happen later today. Tonight. Tomorrow. Next week. Next year. Next decade. Its constant mantra is, “What will I do if . . . ?” Fear of the future makes people settle for things in the present that completely defy abundant life. It also insults the grace of God that will be piled in heaps for us when hardship comes. We agonize over how we’ll possibly make it, yet all the while we can glance over our shoulders and see where God has carried us. And often through worse than what we’re afraid of now. When you feel that familiar panic begin to rise in your heart like a river coursing its banks and your soul begins to roll with another round of “What will I do if . . . ?” what would happen if you were willing to hear the voice of God whisper these inaudible words? Child, you are asking the wrong question. Here’s the one that would assuage your fears: What will God do if . . . ?
Here’s a smattering of answers to that mighty good question. I, the Maker of heaven and earth, will: perfect everything that concerns you (Psalm 138: 8, KJV).
work all things together for your good (Romans 8: 28).
contend with those who contend with you (Isaiah 49: 25).
fight this battle for you (2 Chronicles 20: 15).
equip you with divine power (2 Corinthians 10: 4).
delight to show you mercy (Micah 7: 18).
meet all your needs according to My glorious riches in Christ Jesus (Philippians 4: 19).
give you grace that is perfectly sufficient (2 Corinthians 12: 9).
be your power in weakness (2 Corinthians 12: 9).
do immeasurably more than all you could ask or imagine, according to the power that is at work within you (Ephesians 3: 20.)
My security rests solely in the Father’s hands and there is no place I’d rather be. I still don’t know what it will look like when I get back to America. I still don’t have any prospects for a husband, a job, a house, or even which state/country I’ll live in. I can however tell you that I’m okay with that. I serve a good God who has provided my every need for my entire life and the life He has for me might not be a glamorous “American Dream” kind of life but it will be rich because it will have Him at the center and everything that comes in this life will be an overflow of my relationship with Him.
I can tell you I have never felt this much peace about my future before and it’s a glorious feeling to be living for a King who tells me to cast my cares to him. I literally do not have to worry about what tomorrow brings. He wants me to live for this day and to be intentional with every interaction with the people I meet. He wants me to involve Him in everything I do and look to Him for constant guidance. Some people might read this blog and wonder if I’ve gone off the deep end. They might wonder if I could truly live a happy and fulfilled life not having a plan or a 401K or a home to call my own. I can tell you I don’t know about those things but I do know my purpose right here and right now and the calling upon my life is to bring the Kingdom to the earth. My calling is to share the love of Jesus with everyone I meet and to trust that He will provide everything I need.
This life we live is not easy and definitely not care free but because of my relationship with Jesus I am able to choose joy and know that I am carried, always.
