This month in Vietnam we are teaching English. My team teaches several classes with students ranging from the ages of 6-30 years old.
After our first week of teaching we were told, one class in particular would only need 4 of the 7 team members to go and teach. So my team and I discussed which of us would go. However, after we had made the decision, we were asked by the teacher if only a specific 4 could come back. Our team leader informed her that yes, 4 of us would come. She responded by saying, “We want the pretty ones.”
I learned that in this culture (not unlike American culture) how you look is highly valued. What clothes you wear, how thin you are, the color of your skin, etc. I see girls who have bleached their skin because here, being pale is pretty. And commenting and categorizing people as pretty or not is culturally acceptable.
Now As you can imagine it was an awkward and sensitive conversation to have, seeing as how our team leader had to tell half of our team they couldn’t go because they were not “one of the pretty ones.”
Next thing I knew my team and I were sitting together listing off the girls who were asked to teach that evening. Teagan, Caroline, Sherry, and….Shelby or Julie? Or did they want Shelby and Julie? I watched as my teammates recalled the previous conversation with the teacher, trying to decide whether or not I was asked to go.
It was like living a nightmare. This was a battle I’ve fought myself on my whole life but was never confronted with by other people…”Am I pretty enough?”
I thought back on the last 24 years of my life and realized I spent the majority of my teenage and adult years trying to change my appearance so that I would be pretty. The problem with that was, I only felt pretty for as long as my makeup would last. Many nights I would stand in front of my mirror as I washed foundation off of my face thinking, “You have so much acne. Your pores are too big. You look sick without blush on. No one is ever going to want you. Thank God for makeup to cover this up.”
I had always thought that if l didn’t look a certain way, I wasn’t good enough. As I sat listening to my team come up with a solution I was filled with anger. I thought, “I am so much more than pretty or not pretty, and I’m tired of limiting myself based off of how I look. I have a lot to offer.” That was the first time since leaving America I said those words and actually meant them.
“You’re beauty should not come from outward adornment such as elaborate hairstyles, or the wearing of fine jewelry, or the cut of your clothes. Rather, it should be that of your inner self. Cultivate inner beauty, the gentle, and quiet spirit which is of great worth in God’s site.” -1 Peter 3:3-4
Over the years I’ve heard many comments about the way I look, said to me, or about me from a lot of different people. So much that it became a huge part of my identity. This was a challenge for me being on the race. I wear the same 5 outfits, I’m sweaty 80% of the time, usually covered in dirt, and sometimes I have to go several days without a shower. It left me feeling a little insecure. However, I’ve been lucky enough to be surrounded by people who call out the beauty that they see IN me. My positive attitude, patience, and compassion for others. I loved this. It didn’t matter that I had no make up on or how greasy my hair was, they didn’t care about that. I loved that my passion, joy, and the love I felt for the people I meet could be seen by those around me. They taught me to love myself, instead of trying to fix myself.
pret·ty
‘pride/
adjective
1. Attractive in a delicate way without being truly beautiful or handsome.
beau·ti·ful
‘byo?od?f?l/
adjective
1. Having beauty; possessing qualities that give great pleasure or satisfaction to see, hear, think about etc. delighting the senses or mind.
PRETTY is a relative term. God is purposeful, meticulous, detailed, and complex and that’s the way He created us. Not just to look nice on the outside.
Beauty is deep and cultivated from within. That’s what God wants from us. That was always His plan. To me, beauty is the ability to love myself (inside AND out) even when the world tells me I shouldn’t. To recognize my self worth and be confident. To love others even when they’re difficult to love. And to recognize that not everyone thinks the same way I do and that’s okay. I will still choose to love them anyway.
I could have chosen to stay angry and not go back to teach there. But if I had made the decision not to go back, I would have missed the opportunity to tell them how uniquely beautiful they are just as my team and my squad have done for me, and to see themselves the way God sees them. I decided I didn’t care whether or not they saw me as pretty, but I did care that I made them feel loved and important.
Every time we talk to someone, a friend or a stranger, we have the ability to make them feel a certain way when they are with us. I want to be somebody who makes others feel like they matter and safe in their own skin. That is beautiful and that’s what I want them to see in me.
