I remember two years ago meeting my now community and family back home in Atlanta who just walked in the presence of God and with the Spirit in such a sensitive and intentional way that id never seen before. My mind went back to that first night of outreach with them, the things they were seeing and hearing from God and the way they were praying – my hunger was lit on fire in a way id never felt before. I didnt really know what I was asking for but that next week my prayer was to have all of what Jesus was offering.
Holy Spirit brought me back to that moment this week as we went out into the village and were given the platform to share Jesus with those who had never heard of him before. I had no idea how or where to even begin. Obviously, the beginning ….but like it sounds insane and what if they don’t know the terms I’m using? the churchy terms that I’ve known my whole life. What if the translator doesnt understand or translates incorrectly? How do I share Jesus? All of these thoughts swarmed me.
Ask me to pray for someone and I will…put me in a position where I ask to pray for people and its game on, but start from the beginning and introduce my Dad? uhhhh …what?
In the middle of my minor freak out, one of my teammates didnt hesitate to step up to the plate and go for it. He just listened to what Papa was saying and shared his heart. It was awesome. I wished id been bolder. My heart was aching to pour out and I stayed silent except when it was safe and everyone was laying hands as we prayed. We came back to our house and I just wanted to cry with the Lord. To let my heart unravel before Him and take away whatever it was that left me silent when I had the chance to tell His child for the first time.
After taking my time with the Lord, I had to tell my teammate how challenged and impressed I was. In the middle of all this Spirit reminded me of that first time on outreach and the week that followed and reassured my hearts burning and desire.
Theres parts of me that do care if I get it wrong or what ill look like to my team. There are parts that worry if what I’m saying is making any sense to them or if they just done care. I get hung up on cultural differences and language barrier. Ive let all these things keep me silent. And I’m really not okay with it.
What good is what we have if we can’t figure out a way to invite others to it? to Him? I can have the greatest intimate relationship and thats awesome but I’ve got to be able to tell people who He is too. If I know He’s amazing, theres got to be a place and a point where I can’t wait to tell others how amazing He is… even if it means starting from square one. In this season it doesnt matter how well I’ve learned to do things in the states or how comfortable I’ve become praying or whatever back home..its kinda irrelevant if I can’t figure it out here too.
Of course the very next day we went out and did the exact same thing. Id told my teammate how amazing he was and how I just desired that …Papa knew my heart and so when it came time I knew id better open wide my mouth. And I did. It wasnt perfect, I felt awkward every now and again…didnt know what to say next a few times but how else do you grow? Yea, its probs gonna look weird and messy every now and again but I’m proud to say I just took a risk and decided that Papa really is amazing and I’m gonna tell this woman how incredible I know you are.
I still don’t love it haha I like small groups when I have to be the one talking and sharing my heart but its not about what makes me more comfortable … its just stepping out with His Spirit knowing that He’s good. Im genuinely loving when we go out into the community to give baths, clean up or just talk. We’ve had chances to pray for so many and several chances to share Jesus’s story. Id much rather just let my life speak instead of using words and yet there are times and circumstances like these that call for stretching, growing and walking in more trust/faith in my Dad. Its fun to not know what I’m doing and just lean into Him 🙂 and He’s been faithful in my obedience of course cause lets be real thats just who He is! Someones got to step up when opportunities arise and why not be the one to do so? Same Spirit, mind of Christ and heart of the Father- its all awesome!
