As you already know, I am Julie Sliwinski and come September 2014 I will become a World Racer!
The Lord has set me on an amazing journey, so to give you a little background on me this is my story …in five paragraph form J
I grew up in a house where God got talked about often and we went to church every Sunday. However, Christ was never modeled for me and instead I grew up resenting church, Christians, and God himself. I was home schooled until I reached high school (yep, one of those kids 😉 ) and I was ‘taught’ by my mother. The tricky part was this: I didn’t understand the material well and she didn’t know how to explain it and didn’t know how to handle my frustration because of her own un-dealt with brokenness. The result was almost daily screaming matches and physical fights. I can remember being emotionally and physically abused since the time I was five. I grew up hurt, angry, defensive, lonely, unloved, neglected and suicidal as a result. I had no sense of security, protection or identity and found all of these, however unstable, in the sport of competitive swimming. It was a chance for me to forget, escape and feel appreciated – it became my world, I was Julie the swimmer.
My 9th grade year I went to a private Christian school that came very close to kicking me out due to my appearance (I wore too much black for their liking) and at the beginning of my 10th grade year I went to public school. I didn’t have a hard time adjusting, in fact I really didn’t mind: it meant less time at home. Somewhere along the line I got a shoulder injury and had to stop swimming and suddenly as I was about to leave for college, all that made me, me, was taken from me. The summer before leaving for middle of nowhere Boiling Springs, NC to Gardner-Webb University my mother announced that she was leaving my dad. She told us around the dining room table that she no longer loved him and that she couldn’t offer us kids love but could offer us money…in essence she could buy us stuff. I left for college not knowing just how broken I was, thinking it was my chance to become the ideal Christian – instead I took a turn for the worse.
I began drinking, hated the world and treated others as if they didn’t matter. I didn’t want to hear anything about God because I didn’t care – because He obviously hadn’t cared about me, otherwise I wouldn’t have had to go through the childhood that I did. I had tried religion and come to the conclusion that it wasn’t for me, I had never ‘felt’ God or heard him and I wasn’t going to live in the clouds. However, I had a loyal friend, who through her own shattered world, spoke life into mine and in turn we quite literally saved each other’s lives. I knew all of the church answers and it was the first time someone would answer my questions with a simple and genuine, “I don’t know”. To me that meant that maybe being a Christian wasn’t about having it ‘all together’ and I didn’t have to know or understand everything, it was okay to not know. My relationship with the Lord began in the late spring of 2011, I ran after Jesus – basically I was trying to call His bluff. You want everything? Fine, get ready because I’m going for the kill. If you are who you say you are then I guess we will find out, wont we?
(Me (when I had hair 😉 )and my best friend since freshman year in college. The one who stayed by my side through craziness and showed me the real Jesus)
Surprise! Jesus showed up! My heart and mind began to change, I read the Bible and back then most of it was just words on a page that I had heard for years but had never meant anything…until it started to. I started to see who God really was through His character both in the Bible and in those around me who were actually modeling Christ and trust me I wasn’t easy to convince. I started to see how He had been with me through it all…the Lord has stood beside me, in front of me and behind me, He has held me, cried when I cried, protected me, spoke truth to me and over me, He had hurt when I had been hurt. The enemy steals, kills and destroys and I let him for a while but victory is in Jesus! He softened my heart through showing me His, and letting me feel how He feels about me. I haven’t spoken to or seen my mother in the past year and a half. This was my choice, I sat down with her and told her I was done with the games, manipulation, abuse, and narcissism and she denied it all. From that meeting I realized just how broken I was as a result of the past and began seeking out freedom and healing. Forgiveness isn’t a magical moment, it’s a daily choice and easily the hardest one I face every day…but I can tell you this- it is worth it.
My healing is far from complete, but I’ve experienced a transformation that I never thought possible. I now know unrelenting love because I know my Father; I know astounding beauty, protection, security, mercy, grace, patience, acceptance and much more because I know my Father! I know I have an amazing Daddy J and now my heart aches to love because I was first and foremost loved by Him. My heart is to share the Fathers heart with those who are hidden, cast aside, forgotten, lost, broken, lonely, less, ‘damaged goods’ because His love is fierce and all-consuming and holds all power and authority!
