I’ve been in a place of seeking, but not like when you seek out the more…more like when you are grasping at straws for meaning. That place where you lose sight of the Fathers eyes and you can’t seem to lock back on them. Instead of days walking in the fire of Holy Spirit – I felt nothing, I just went through the days. I keep thinking “I’ve been in the more, where is it? I know it’s there…”.
Days when I fall short of seeking first the Kingdom are hard, they are lonely and way less joyful and fun. I let myself get so busy that I never left any room to be in His presence on my own – that sweet one on one time with Papa God. Without realizing it, I’d been adding noises to my life to drown out His voice. Knowing of the void but doing nothing to feed my spirit (the good healthy stuff, ya know?).
We say that we are just in a ‘rough season’- I’ve heard it all around church, but what if that didn’t happen? What if we really did abide in His presence – we wouldn’t have dry/rough seasons.
The Lord reminded me of a place He had brought me to several weeks ago. (Forgive me as I use earthly words to try and explain/describe the things of heaven- I will fail)
I was walking on a path, like you would in a park; on either side of this path was the most vivacious beautiful green grass. The path wasn’t made of stone or cement but rather smooth gems or diamonds that reflected radiant colors from the suns brilliance. I was barefoot and the path was warm and inviting.
When I finally lifted my head to see beyond my own feet there before me was a circle quart yard, if you will. The quart yard was made of the same ‘material’ as the path and off to the left side there was a fountain which was also carved out of this diamond substance. The fountain was overflowing with sparking blue water that also caught the shining sun. It looked like a place of splendor- something that wealth couldn’t buy. I saw a figure on the right side- He was sitting on a bench swing that hung on a weeping willows branch. I knew who He was, but my brain hadn’t quite moved on from the scene before me – my mind wouldn’t move quickly enough to allow me to take it all in.
I made my way over to the swing and sat down beside Him. I was content. I had such beauty before my eyes and I was with Jesus- hanging out. I was fine with just that. But then He surprised me and said “Are you brave enough to ask?”
His question speaks to so many areas of my life and I could spend eternity sitting on that bench – putting on my brave girl pants and asking him questions. However, what He meant at that moment was this: “Are you brave enough to ask me about this place? About what it means and my purposes for it, even though it already extends past your understanding? Are you brave enough to go deeper?”.
After many weeks I took the time today to make this very poor attempt to portray this image on canvas
