“Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?” Psalm 139:7
This first week in India has definitely been a struggle for me. The first 3 days I felt depressed, fatigued, sick to my stomach and nauseated. I didn’t even want to get up or move. All I have wanted to do is sleep.
I would feel this heaviness all over my body. I didn’t realize what was going on until one day we walked up the street to get samosas and I remember they had told us when we first got here there is a spirit of guilt, depression and fatigue. Our team has been dealing with illnesses and fatigue since we arrived.
One night we had worship in our room and I was asking God, “Why am I on this race if I’m feeling this way?” All I wanted to be was back in America, in my bed, in my selfish comfort we all are so accustomed to and take for granted. I’m sick of sleeping on a sleeping pad, I’m sick of being with people 24/7 and no privacy, I’m sick of feeling sick. And then I kept thinking back to Swaziland….how much I miss El Shaddai, the kids, the people, the worship our squad had on the rock, the beautiful view, etc.
As soon as I get through asking the question, Anthea comes over to me and ask if she can pray for me. She begins praying healing over me and speaking of the purpose in which I’m to be in India…I began to have a sense of why I’m here again….
To grow closer with God and spread His word and show His love He has placed in me to the nations!
We were in worship on Saturday for Women’s Day and I began asking for more of Him and less of me. I found myself repenting to God because I have had a horrible attitude since being in India. I know this isn’t the attitude God wants me to have and not of Him.
I realize this process is about relying more on Him and sometimes He places us on our backs so we have nowhere to look but UP! He reminded me during worship, “My presence remains the same everywhere, I never change.” I had already started looking ahead to Nepal and even saying the most exciting thing for me this month will be the Passion Conference. How foolish of me….!
God wants us to make the most and best of our time and not allow the enemy to cause us to keep looking ahead and miss the opportunities and purpose Jesus has for us here in India. He has great things planned for my team and we are going to continue pursuing Him and being obedient….even through the fatigue, struggles, etc. He will be our source of strength and motivation.
He’s teaching me to push through these difficult times we face and keep looking to Him. He is definitely tugging at my heart and giving me more of a compassion for these children here at SCH- Sarah’s Covenant Homes. He loves each and every single one of them just as he loves every child at El Shaddai in Swaziland and Oceanview in South Africa. His love and His presence is everywhere and I’m so thankful to get to experience Him wherever we go…His love never fails!
Hyderabad, India
“My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.” Exodus 33:14
