Launch is in 4 days… 4 DAYS!!
Like my kitty trying to get close to my cereal bowl, launch has snuck up on me. Only 4 days left until I hop a plane to Washington D.C. and reunite with Team Reckless Pursuit and N Squad. Only 5-6(?) days before N Squad leaves the United States and journeys to Ecuador, our first destination.
I am scrambling a little bit. This should surprise no one who knows me well. I started packing a few days ago (some of my squad mates are already DONE) and that was me planning waaaaay ahead. Anyways, I have discovered that packing for a year in 2 backpacks when you’re not sure what weather you may be in is kind of challenging.
To give you a window into this process, here is a picture of my packing area:
Yeah, you could say I have too much stuff. I know it’s not all going to fit, and even if it does, my pack is going to be 50 pounds when I want it to be 35. There's this tension between desperately wanting to have the right things but not wanting to bring too much and really not wanting to carry too much.
It’s a little bit overwhelming.
Then, I read this: A Year That Wrecked Me
This is a blog written by a former racer named Philip who spent 2011 on the Race.
I read through this beautifully written tribute to his time on the Race where he spoke about the amazing things God did, ways he changed, things he saw, the beauty of the year living in community and giving his whole life to Jesus…
…And instead of feeling inspired and excited and encouraged, I felt ashamed.
[Note: Philip, not your fault. Beautiful blog, really, I loved it once I got over myself]
All I could think about was how all the things Philip described do not apply to me. He talks about having no possessions at home; no apartment, no X box, no clothes, really no security… he doesn’t even own shoes! And he’s fine with it! I mean I like to think I'm not too high maintenance but come on, can't I at least have one pair of shoes?
I started freaking out thinking about how Jesus is going to ask me to give up all my shoes for him and I'm just going to be this homeless, shoeless wanderer who never showers when I get home from the Race and how I wish I was okay with that but I'm not and that doesn't sound fun and it does sound kind of scary!
And you know what, it’s not just Philip. Every World Race alum I have ever encountered has a similar spirit around them. It’s like this spirit of freeness and confidence.
It is so easy for me to forget that they did not become this way on their own.
I panicked the first time I read Philip’s blog because it made me acutely aware that I cannot make myself be like that.
And I was right.
I cannot transform myself to become more like Jesus.
Only God can do that one.
Only God can take this heart of stone and replace it with a heart of flesh.
And I want that! I want to be ruined for the things of this world. I want to live as an empowered child of God. I want what I see in Philip and my squad leaders and every AIM staff member I’ve met. I want to become more like Jesus.
I just need to remember that what I see in these people is God’s doing. It is Him, sanctifying and refining and turning His kids into the closest likeness to Jesus possible on this earth.
Good thing He who began a good work in me will see it through to completion.
It’s okay that I am not there yet. It’s okay that I will probably start the Race with a 50-pound backpack and then discover a month in that I don’t need everything I brought, even though logically I could probably tell you that right now. It’s okay that I still love the comforts of home and will miss my big comfy bed.
I am living my own story, and God is the author. I have no idea the ways He will shape and transform me this year. He might turn me into a shoeless homeless Stateside wanderer. He might not. I have no idea what God will do with me for the rest of my life.
The only thing I do know for absolute certain is that He will never ask me to do it alone. He will equip me and strengthen me and uphold me through whatever He puts in my life, and that's a promise.
If the alumni I know are any indication of some of the ways God changes lives through the Race, I think I might be in for it. I just might be in for becoming less like Julie, more like Jesus.
Maybe when I come back I won’t even own shoes.
