being naked is scary. who hasn't had a dream where you end up naked, or at least without pants, in front of a whole bunch of people you don't want to be in front of?
being naked means being uncovered and unprotected, completely bared.
nudity is for the privacy of your own home, behind closed doors. for some people it doesn't even belong there.
being naked makes me feel extra vulnerable, seriously. would you want to fight someone naked? don't answer that.
over the past three months on team ampersand, i have noticed something amongst us girls.
we are naked together a lot.
it's southeast asia. it's really, REALLY hot, all the time. and don't you dare ask me if we have air conditioning. the answer is almost always no.
also the four of us girls have lived practically on top of each other since we became teammates. in thailand and malaysia we lived in tiny dorm-style rooms boasting two sets of bunk beds and maybe a 4×4 carpet space. in cambodia we shared all kinds of spaces (there weren't many four wall rooms to be found). we slept two-together in one-person mosquito nets. we showered in the wide open night air behind the church, taking turns holding up towels for one another lest anyone should happen upon us.
there's not much privacy to be had.
[trying to stay cool with a smoothie to the forehead, thailand is hot people!]
the other day, we were all sitting in our room, sweating our faces off in the heat of the day, in various amounts of clothing, and i realized that we are all extremely comfortable being unclothed in one another's presence.
[getting our asian on, bow headbands and peace signs, all the rage]
it made me think about how comfortable we've gotten being emotionally and spiritually naked with one another.
all being naked really is is exposing yourself.
at some point it seems each one of us made the separate decision to expose ourselves on this team. sometimes we did it willingly, other times not so willingly. there has been some ugly, and a whole lot of beautiful. it has been difficult, but worth it. the best thing our nakedness has bred is security. there's no waiting for the other shoe to drop, holding your breath until everyone around you sees you for who you really are and realizes they don't actually love you that much. there is no condemnation, no finality.
[all dressed up, flowers courtesy of a sweet friend we met during bar ministry]
one of the hardest things about leaving the race will be leaving the rhythm we have fallen into with one another. we have learned how to walk next to each other's ebbs and flows, ups and downs. we have learned how to be soothers, exhorters, encouragers, understanders, servants. not perfectly, not at all. but willingly.
i have gotten naked before these women.
and you know what, it has been pretty darn great. we have laughed about silly things in our rooms, shared desserts and skin care products, watched many episodes of friends, drank coffee, talked about boys, cried over stupid things, cried over serious things, dreamed up some dreams, challenged each other to stretch and expand, started and ended our days together.
[enjoying the cupcakes we hand made (from a box) for the kids' birthday party in cambodia]
there is something divinely delightful about relationships that see it all and decide they want to show up anyway.
it's the love of Jesus, the kind of love that sees a naked, broken down girl, and says, i think i see a glimmer in there, let's check it out.
so my dear fuji, my fiery chelsey, my irreplaceable melissa, this one is for you. i love you the mostest.
[classic jumping shot, angkor wat]
