“My Child,
I’m so proud of how you have grown in humility. You truly live to give Me the glory. I see confidence in you, yet you are still worried about what the world will say. I want you to grow in this area of your life. You might feel like you reach rock bottom. Know that I am the rock at the bottom. I’m going to push you further than you think you are capable of going. I believe in you. Keep your eyes on Me. I long for you to walk in the confidence that comes from Me. Don’t get caught up in how much or how little time you have left on this trip. This journey doesn’t end in May. It’s lifelong. I have so much growth for you ahead. It’s won’t always be easy. You won’t be able to do it on your own. That’s why you have Me! I’m always with you. Holding you close.
I believe in you.
-Your Biggest Fan”
This is a piece from a listening prayer that I got from Jesus one morning this week. At the start of the New Year I mentioned about how Jesus gave me humility and confidence as the two words to focus on throughout this year. Since being put in a leadership role this month Jesus has been teaching me a lot in the area of confidence.
I have realized this month that I have always had confidence in myself. But what I didn’t realize until the last few days was that it isn’t the kind of confidence that I really want. My confidence was almost 100% outward. Don’t get me wrong, outward confidence is a good thing to have. But that just isn’t enough for me anymore. I’ve always been confident on the outside but what I neglected to accept was how much I lacked self-confidence on the inside. I viewed myself as ugly because I was always breaking out or I hated myself for gaining a few extra pounds and not having the body I wanted. I viewed myself as a people pleaser and as someone who would do whatever would get people to like her. I didn’t view myself as good enough to please God or good enough to become worthy for His love. I told myself I wasn’t pretty enough and that I would never be beautiful like the other girls around me. And the list goes on.
As I was thinking about writing a blog this week I was planning on giving a short update on this past week and giving an overview of what I’ve learned over this past month. Jesus had something else in mind. It’s not easy for me to admit the things I listed but it’s all a part of this journey that Jesus is taking me on. The journey of owning my own skin and walking with confidence in who He has made me to be.
This isn’t something that is just a 9 month World Race thing. It doesn’t magically end in May. It is the journey of a lifetime. My lifetime. This trip isn’t going to magically turn me into the perfect person that never messes up. That’s actually a pretty good joke. But it will and it is growing me in ways I couldn’t have ever imagined. It’s taught me that everything about our lives is a choice. We have free will. Every day I have the choice to live for the world or to live for Jesus. I’m learning that the choice is very clear when you truly know Jesus and know about His crazy love for you. There’s nothing else that can satisfy our hearts more. I’m reading a book by Judah Smith called “Jesus Is” and in it he talks a lot about how Christianity isn’t about how much we love God or how much we can do to make Him love us more. (Sorry for all the quotes that are going to be used, it’s just too good not to share). It’s simply about the immense love that God has for each one of us. He didn’t have to send His son to die a painful, humiliating death here on earth. But He did it because He loves us that much. That’s a love I can’t comprehend. How can God love me that much when I have done nothing to deserve it? That’s the problem. Our earthly mindsets tell us that we have to do things to earn love. We have to accomplish our giant good deeds list before God could ever love us like He loves the person over there that never messes up, right? That couldn’t be more wrong. God doesn’t care about our good deeds. Yes, we need to do good things and it even talks about that in James 2:21-22. It says, “Don’t you remember that our ancestor Abraham was shown to be right with God by his actions when he offered his son Isaac on the altar? You see, his faith and his actions worked together. His actions made his faith complete.” We need to put our faith into action and if our faith is genuine the actions will come naturally. What God has been teaching me through all of this is that no matter how many good deeds I do, it’s never going to put me above anyone else in the list of God’s loved ones. Okay, I made that list up but you get the picture. Our faith isn’t about lists of do’s and don’ts. It’s not about the rules. Judah Smith stated in his book that, “Focusing too much on rules and too little on grace tells people that what they do is more important than who they are.” It’s not about going to church every week so everyone thinks you have it all together. It’s not about reading your bible for 30+ minutes every day. Obviously those going to church and reading the bible are two things I believe are very important and I highly encourage them. But, ultimately it’s about the relationship that starts because of the indescribable love that He has for us. And because of His love for us, we can’t help but love Him back. A quote from “Jesus Is” that stuck out to me sums this up perfectly. It says, “God doesn’t save us because we have potential. That’s ridiculous. We do have potential – that much is true – but God doesn’t rescue us from the death of sin so we can help him out. He doesn’t need our help. He just wants to love us. He wants to be loved by us.” That’s a huge thing to wrap my mind around. The God that created the world we live on doesn’t need me but He wants me. If that doesn’t make someone feel loved and valued, then I don’t know what does!
Reading this book has caught my attention and it is what Jesus has been using it to teach me more about walking in confidence and owning my own skin. It focuses a lot on what I just mentioned. How no matter how much we do to try and earn God’s love, we will never be worthy of it. On my own, I am never going to be righteous or worthy of all that God gives me. In “Jesus Is” he talks about our righteousness and he makes a bold statement that hit home with me in the midst of all that God is teaching me. “Our righteousness doesn’t depend on our present performance but on Jesus’s finished performance.” I am made righteous through Jesus and the price He paid on the cross. I don’t need to focus on my sin or be worried about it because Jesus dealt with all our sins on the cross. He paid the price. We were made righteous through Him when He said His final three words, “It is finished.” And after He said those words what comes next is what holds our hope and our freedom. In my book I read about the resurrection and how often times we forget that part when sharing the gospel. When in reality, that’s the greatest part! Death defeated Jesus on the cross but when He rose from the grave, Jesus defeated death. He won. He was and is victorious. This is where we find our hope in eternal life and it reminds us that our battle with sin is finished. We no longer have to carry our burdens on our shoulders. Jesus paid it all. That is the greatest example of selfless love.
In the midst of trying to wrap my mind around this crazy, fierce love that Jesus has for me, even when I mess up, He told me a truth about myself this week that was hard to hear. He told me that I look to the world for my approval and I look to others for my self-confidence. This wasn’t easy to hear but I know that it’s true. I’ve always said that I found my confidence in the Lord when truly I was looking to worldly things and people to define who I was. All the ways I viewed myself and all the things I believed about myself were all based on the world’s standards. I wasn’t pretty enough, in the eyes of what the world says is pretty. I wasn’t good enough to earn God’s love, in the eyes of a world that says you need to do good things to earn love. It was all based on the world. God has grabbed my attention and is starting to turn my worldly perspective away from the things of this world and towards Him. He has so much more to offer me and He speaks so much truth over me. I am beautiful in His eyes. I am righteous in His eyes. I am His favorite. I am His child who He loves with a fierce love. When I hear these things, the lies of the world mean nothing. They vanish. I no longer beat myself up because I don’t match what the world says is “good”. Instead, I walk with confidence in the One who created me to be me. I am created to be unique. He has made me in His image. I don’t need to be extravagant human being with a mile long list of good things I’ve done to earn God’s love. He gives it to me freely. He loves me not because of what I do but simply because of who I am. His beloved child. His daughter. His princess. His bride.
So, this is me. I’m a broken person. I don’t have it all together. I fall into the things of this world. I’m far from perfect. But, I serve a God who is bigger than all of my flaws and failures. He has called me out of the world and into His family. He is my Father; I am His child. When I fall He picks me up. When I cry He holds my tears in a bottle. When I stray away He follows me and guides me back on the path He has for me. He never leaves my side. He is a good God.
Prayer Request:
My squad and I have our week debrief this coming week. Pray for safe travels for our coaches, mentor, and treasurer as they fly out on Tuesday. And pray that it would be a week full of both physical and spiritual rest along as well as a whole lot of fun!
Pray for my heart as I’ve officially made it half way which makes home seem so much more real. This isn’t a bad thing but it can make it difficult to stay present here at times. Pray for contentment with where God has me and for JOY throughout every day!
Thank you for your faithful prayers and constant support. Enjoy your blizzard that I’m secretly super jealous of!! Stay safe and keep warm!
Blessings,
Julie
