I leave the States in 5 days. For those who don’t know, I’m co-leading the race. Here is a more complete update on my life. (if i you send me your address, i will mail you my update!)
I expect it to be a challenging 4 months and a time where I learn a lot. I’m not nearly as stressed as I was the first time about packing – thank you Jesus! I’m feeling pretty good on the practical side of things. I feel decently prepared to leave…I’m just not sure I’m ready to arrive.
I don’t feel prepared to enter the 3rd world. I feel like there is this tension in me. On the one hand, I’ve seen and experienced the conditions before. I am aware of it first hand. On the other side of things, I’ve been living in America for the past 3 years. While I’m still aware of the evil, pain and suffering that goes on in the world, it’s not often explicitly observable in the States.
I expected to be freaking out about leadership and being part of the spiritual authority for a 40 AMAZING people. I’m well aware of the weight that carries, yet the thing I find myself most unprepared for is the things that are about to be thrown in my face.
I’m not sure I’m ready to walk down streets lined with prostitutes and the men who come to buy them, knowing that the children are in the dark allies that I can’t see. I’m not sure I’m prepared to look at the faces of people who have lost their families or have fleed from their country because of horrifying war and grotesque killing. I’m nervous to enter that after I’ve been surrounded by the comforts of Christmas and the abundance of this life. I’m scared to look at that pain again. I know that doesn’t sound like something I should be saying, but it’s the truth. I just know I’m more nervous about this than anything else. I’m pretty sure it’s going to tear me up. That scares me.
I know that I will release the hope of God’s Kingdom to every person and circumstance that I encounter. That’s why I’m going….because I really believe that. Christ in me, the HOPE of glory. Hope and change will happen.
In the meantime, I’m not sure how to prepare myself for the shock of staring into the pain of this world. Maybe, there’s no way to prepare. Or maybe this will invoke you to pray for me :). Your prayers strengthen me more than you know.
I am beyond THRILLED about going. It’s going to be OUT OF THIS WORLD!!! I should probably do a more exciting blog, since I haven’t written in over a year…but this happened to be what I’ve been thinking about the past days.
LOVE YOU ALL so dearly. I CANNOT wait to share the stories of the next 4 months with you. I hope you will come along!
