Yesterday, we left
our debrief location in Jinotepe, Nicaragua.
This month is different. We have
been given more freedom. We started praying
about this several weeks ago and teams formed based on the urgings God placed
on our hearts. God brought me together
with 4 others – Jenny, Heather, Beth and Casey – who share my desire to completely surrender and know a
new dependency on Christ. Our
inspiration is similar to that of when Jesus sends out the twelve in the Bible
(matt 10). We call it ATL – Ask the
Lord. And that is exactly what we are
doing. We are going wherever God leads
us. We simply want to hear His voice and
do what He says. We have no agenda of
our own. We have nothing pre-arranged, but
what we have not arranged, He has!! Not
knowing what we will do when we wake up in the mornings is a beautiful
affair! We want to be His hands, feet,
words, arms and anything else, wherever and however He wants that
to be done. I love the newness
and the unknown. At the end of the month, all I want to say
is that the five of us connected with God, with the people we encountered, with
each other, and with how God has gifted us.
Not only do I love
the unfamiliarity of what we will do each day, but He has joined me with people
that I don’t know that well. I have been
with Jenny the entire race, but I haven’t spent much time with the other three. For me, this brings another challenge and facet of
dependency on the Lord. Believe it or
not, even though the race has often brought me out of my comfort zone, I have
managed to become comfortable with my team and the things we do daily – my
“normal” had been redefined.
This is a chance for me to, again, move out of my comfort zone. It is a chance for me to live out of the
truth that I am enough, simply because I am His daughter. It is not a time for me to shy away, despite
the fact that I do not know the unconditional love from this new family as I
know from the family I have left. That
is hard to explain, because I know that they fully accept and love me. But there is that thing inside of me that
beckons me to hold back until I truly feel
acceptance. So I know that God will work
on my identity this month…my identity in Him.
I am ready for some of that!
One last thing. Each of us have thought about something that
we want to lay down this month. I
thought about the obvious things – internet, buying things, some kind of food –
but none of those felt right for me.
While I was praying one day, God gave me something that looked a little
different. So, I am giving up the
tendency to hesitate. This will be
difficult because it is not something outward.
I have to keep myself accountable by taking my thoughts captive. I am not going to let my flesh talk myself
out of or justify the reasons that I can’t do what God is asking me. When I hear His voice I want to move immediately,
regardless of what is going on around me and regardless of how it may
seem. I don’t want to worry about how it
may inconvenience others or what they may think.
Thank you for your
continued prayers. Please pray for sensitivity to the Spirit, lots of divine appointments and that I will let nothing hold me back.
I already have an
amazing day to write about…so stay tuned.
