My prayer lately has been that God would rid me of everything that is not of Him. I plead with Christ to give me the strength to
die to myself. I want this death; this removal of self so as to raise up my brothers and sisters, to bring Him glory, and to make room for Him to move in and though me.
Right now I am at the house where 80 racers (january and june) are living. It is amazing because we are sharing everything. We cook and clean for each other, we pray for each other, we are the church to one another – we live together every moment.
Today I am frustrated. I want to walk down the road to the hotel where we have our meetings. I have become friends with a girl who works there and I want to go and visit with her. But I cannot go. We always must travel in groups, especially the girls. I feel stuck.
(the beautiful rolling hills of Swazi)
I just picked up the book Always Enough (I definitely recommend it). The author talks about an experience when she had “never been so humbled, never felt so poor, so helpless, so vulnerable.” I can’t say that I fully feel the weight of that statement, but I know it is coming. God is scratching the surface of me and taking me to these places. I know that He has to remove so much of me so that He can stir His heart in me. I am on my face before Him, crying for Him to empty me of myself. It is becoming apparent that the answer to that prayer is going to be difficult to embrace, but that only makes me want it more. It is an initiation to complete humility, complete abandonment of my “rights,” and complete dependence on my Redeemer.
This year I will do nothing on my own. My team and I will join together in ministry, in meals, in decisions, in prayer, in worship. I will not have a car. I will not be able to go places alone. I do not have a right to the things I am used to. I am giving up my freedom and independence, but I will receive authentic freedom in Christ and a beautiful dependence on Him and my team. We are living in raw community. It is a beautiful thing – the Acts church in the purest sense. But I will not survive if I do not first die to myself.
Is there a place where God is calling you to die to yourself today? Let it die. Without death, there can be no inheritance.
Father, may we die to ourselves, that we can be filled up with You.
