HEY EVERYONE! Check out my awesome squadmate Raquel Stewart‘s blog at http://raquelstewart.theworldrace.org/.
If I had to use one word that would define my month in Myanmar, it would be WORRY. Now, for most people, that would be an interesting way to describe a month on the race. They usually would describe it like “exhilarating, beautiful, full of God, etc” and while my month was many of those things also, worry stood out because I experienced this emotion the most and God was wanting to teach me about trusting and resting in him.
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” -Romans 8:28
Now, there were many worries I had this month; I worried about being leader for my team during UnSung Heroes but I leaned heavily on the Lord and my team supported me and helped me grow in it. I also worried about a man I only saw for a minute. While riding in a car during traffic and I saw said man walking toward our van when another car slammed into him and sent him flying. I wanted to get out to him and help but our driver drove away immediately afterwards. For days I felt guilty and worried about how he was doing. I admitted my feelings to my team and they prayed over me; I was filled with peace and my guilt seemed washed away.
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight.” -Proverbs 3:5-6
But the worry that affected me the most was my fundraising. By July 1st I need $4174 in my account to continue the race. I know the Lord can provide in miraculous ways, he has done so many times before for me in this very matter; before training camp I received the last $1000 or so in a matter or weeks. My second deadline I needed just over $2000 and my grandmother surprised me with it at Christmas. My third deadline I needed over $3000 and within a week and a half I saw it all come in. Now I’m at my fourth and final deadline and need over $4000. Funny how the numbers work out. Before, I did fundraisers, posted blogs, and sent out support letters but this last time it was different.
“And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus.” -Philippians 4:19
As I started writing my blogs and talking about fundraising in them this month, every time I would try to post the internet would drop and I’d loose my blog; I kept trying until the power went out. A few days later I tried to write a support letter but felt wrong about it so I didn’t send it. I figured God wanted me to put all my faith and trust in him and I was alright with it for awhile. But as the days rolled by and funds never arrived I got worried. Everyone started getting fully funded in my team and telling me that I should start posting. I remember a phrase Madisson told me, “Pray like it depends on God, work like it depends on you.” I also heard about several people who didn’t fundraise at all who received all their funding from complete strangers.
Back and forth my mind went, debating whether or not I should fundraise. I wanted to because at least I would do something and if the funds didn’t come in, it would all be on the Lord. I was scared of him failing me. I didn’t trust God. How funny is that! After all this time, all the ways he has provided for me and saved me, I still didn’t trust him to give me the funds I need by the time I needed it. Oh me of little faith! It was so bad that it was affecting my ministry, how I interacted with my team, and I got to the point of accusing God that he didn’t care and demanding that he do something.
“Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.” -Hebrews 11:1
During this time, I have been reading a lot of about faith of others. Faith of missionaries who received exactly what they needed the day the needed it. Faith of people in the Bible like Barnabas who received the greatest compliment God could give to men, that he was good. I’ve been praying. Praying that God will increase my faith, grow it so incredibly that I can move mountains and walk on waters.
I was reminded of the story of Martha and Mary;
“As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. She had a sister named Mary, who at at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”
“Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed – or indeed only on. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”” Luke 10:38-42
I was very much like Martha, while preparing to serve the Lord, I worried and fretted over the details instead of resting at the Lord’s feet. I accused him of not caring and I demanded him to help me in the way I wanted. I did not rest to take time to bask in the Lord’s presence and listen to what he had to say.
Boy, does the Lord have a lot to say on worry and trusting in him:
“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. For life is more than food, and the body more than clothing…Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life?” -Luke 12:22-23,25
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.” -Philippians 4:6
“Do not let you hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe in me also.” -John 14:1
“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” -Matthew 6:34
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” -John 14:27
In the end, God will provide for me. He always has and he always will. He put me on this race for a reason, knowing it was 11 months and how much I needed to fundraise. He is the Great Provider and everything is in his hands. I think he probably doesn’t care whether or not I post fundraising blogs or send fundraising letters; those are just little details that Satan is using to capture my attention and cloud my communication with the Lord, straining our relationship. I believe that the Lord just wants me to give my worries to him, to trust him with everything, and to rest at his feet growing our relationship.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and pace as you trust in him, so that may you overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” -Romans 15:13
Hey Everyone! I still need $4150 by July 1st to stay on the race! Please prayerfully consider supporting me either through prayer or through funding. If you would like to donate, please click the “Support Me!” Link on the left.
Have a wonderful day and God bless!
