His fellow passengers cried out in joy. He could see the reindeer being brought out, harnessed together and adorned with tons of sleigh-bells. The young woman asked him if he had not heard anything as beautiful in his entire life and he froze. It seemed as if this whole trip, no, his whole life, had been building up to this question. Frantic, he tried to listen to the bells but with a painful realization he realizes they are deaf to his ears. All he could hear was the song of Christmas.
Suddenly, it was silent as if everyone and thing held their breath before the storm. A second later screaming broke out and elves climbed on top of each other to get a better look at the man in the door. Jubilant exclamations were heard on everyone’s lips but his. He didn’t know what to do! He tried to see around the elves but they were pilled high for several rows, all he could see of the man in the door was a shadow and hand or foot. The young woman cried, “It’s Santa! It’s Santa! I can’t believe it!” The other passengers joined with her in abandon chorus.
He darted to the left and right, trying to get a better glimpse of the elusive figure. Was it really him? “I can’t see him! I can’t see him!” He cried, but it fell on deaf ears.
Frustrated he stepped back, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. He was at a lost, here was Santa, the real life Santa and he couldn’t see him! He couldn’t hear the bells! The one thing he so desperately needed to believe in, needed to see, hear, and connect with was just out of reach.
Everything seemed to move into slow motion and he looked toward the reindeer. They were prancing in excitement, ready to go and he saw one of the sleigh bells on the harness was loose. It rose up and down, clanking with each jump, tugging at it’s loose string until it the string snapped. The sleigh bell soared through the air, unnoticed by anyone but him. With an empty clank it land a few feet away from him, bounced a few times, and rolled to his feet.
It all felt surreal to him at this point, like he was having an out-of-body experience. He reached down, gingerly grasped the bell, and shook it next to his ear. All that passed through was air. Despair and alarmed rose in his heart and he clutched the bell tighter. Why was he different? Why could they hear the bells and see Santa but he couldn’t? His ears worked just fine, his eyes just fine, but the one thing he desperately searched for with them seemed not there, but everybody else could see and hear them! What was missing? Looking around he took a survey of what he saw; a miniature village, a titan Christmas tree, thousands of elves, a sleigh with eight flying reindeer harnessed to the front, a sack filled with presents, time seemingly standing still, and the eyewitness account from his friends of Santa standing just beyond the crowds. The evidence was all here so why did he still doubt?
Closing his eyes he lifted the bell to his ear. With firm determination, he shakily whispered, “I believe.” Resolution settled in his heart. He didn’t need to see the actual Santa himself. The whole trip and everything else around him was evidence that Santa existed, that he was alive and active in the world, ready to bless everyone around the world with his presence and gifts. He straightened up and clutched the bell tighter. Opening his mouth, strength filled his voice as he declared out loud, “I believe!”
He shook the bell next to his ear. His eyes shot open as a clear pure ring met his ears. It was unlike any other sound he had heard before. His mouth opened in surprise and he shook the bell again and the bell rang louder.
“What was it that you said?” He looked up when he heard the deep voice, the man before him making him take a few steps back.
“I believe. I believe… I believe this is yours’ sir.” He placed the bell into the white mitten hand of the man before him.
“Well, thank you,” The older man’s eyes twinkled beneath his red cap.
Children all around him one by one began to cry out, “Pick Me! Pick Me! I want the first Christmas! Me!” The man stood up in authority and quieted them, surveying them each.
One by one the Christmas figure complimented his friends. He stepped back, certain to go unnoticed when the large man in red stroked his white beard before pointing at him and saying, “Speaking of gifts…Lets have this young fellow right here?”
Astonishment flooded him. Did he hear correctly? Did Santa really single him out for such a gift? He barely registered the deafening cry around him as tiny hands picked him up and carried him to sit down with Santa in his sleigh.
He sat down in the big man’s lap, looking up in awe and reverence into the kind man’s face. Never in his wildest dreams…
“Now,” the rich, warm voice beckoned, “what would you like for Christmas?”
“Me?”
“You.” He nervously rubbed his hands before beckoning Santa to lend his ear. Santa obliged him and he eagerly whispered his wish into the man’s ear. “Yes, Indeed. yes, Indeed.”
His request was small and humbled, but it filled Santa with surprise none-the-less. Santa had never been asked for a gift with so much meaning and feelings toward the object before. This gift had so much value to the young boy, filled with such memories, Santa eagerly obliged. He stood up and raising his hand with the bell, he triumphantly shouted, “The First Gift of Christmas!”
Joyous celebration rang out and the young man gratefully accepted the bell. Santa leaned down and spoke to him one more time. “This bell is a wonderful symbol of Christmas, as am I. Just remember the true spirit of Christmas, lies in your heart.”
As he stepped out of the sleigh the clock rang Midnight. The train conductor cried for being on time and witnessing such an event. The reindeer were released and started to rise high into the night. Santa’s joyous laugh could be heard throughout the crowd and as the sleigh started to rise into the sky, Santa’s cry of, “Merry Christmas to All! And to All a Goodnight!” With a crack of his whip, the sleigh shot forward into the night sky, disappearing in an instant with an explosion of light. All around elves and people were dancing while gold light sprinkled down on them. The young man still stood staring into the night sky, a warm smile on his face, clutching the bell to his heart.
Towards the end of my month in Myanmar I was having a hard time believing God could provide for me, that he could fulfill all my wildest dreams. I read a few Christian books and many of them talked about the faith of Barnabas, where it exceeded the impossible. I wanted that so much! I was down about myself, who I was, and my place on my team. I wanted to know how Barnabas found that faith of his, how he grew it. I prayed for a faith as strong as his.
When we went to debrief at the end of Myanmar, it was different than before. The Holy Spirit was powerful and moving one night during worship. Our speaker fell to the floor laughing during the middle of his talk and so did a few of our squad members, each of them filled with Holy laughter. After the talk, our squad leaders and coaches prayed for every single one of us to receive a baptism of the Holy Spirit. People were falling to the floor left and right around me, some were crying, others quietly worshiping, while most were filled with Holy Spirit laughter. All around me you heard people laughing out loud, speaking in tongues, connecting with the Holy Spirit. I sat against the pillar and cried. Why did I feel so disconnected? Why couldn’t I see him and be filled with joy and laughter? Where was the disconnect?
Michelle came over and prayed for me, encouraged me to talk with the Lord and listen to him. I received an image of an ice cream cone. When asked about the cone I said it was cold. As soon as I said cold, though, I saw an image of an iceberg floating in the ocean with land far away and distant. I just wanted to punch and break through that iceberg! I was frustrated it blocked my path! I wanted to get past that huge obstacle keeping my from shore.
Later that week, Kim Harris came into my room to talk about her encounter with God at debrief and it was so amazing! She said something that I will never forget, “When I took myself out of the box, I took God out of the box.” That phrase struck me hard.
All this time I always said that I didn’t want to put God in a box, but here I was putting myself in the box and only allowing God to let me work in those confines. Its like you’re in a box, it’s completely dark and you can’t move or breath. When suddenly a light shines through the cracks of the box and you desperately try to see through to find out what the light it! You’ve never witnessed it before! Then, the most extraordinary thing happens. The light knocks on your box, asking you to invite him in. You can see the rays and feel its warmth, you crave and want more of it, so you let in the light. You find the latch that closes the door and lift it just enough for the light to enter.
Now you’re in the box with the light. You get acquainted with it and he fills you up from the inside. You glow and develop a relationship, you try to do as he asks, but it’s hard inside of a box. So he starts whispering, whispering of something more, something outside of the box. He paints pictures of open fields, meadows, towering forests, frothing seas, and majestic mountains. He describes what it’s like to walk in blinding light, to run through the meadows, to roll in the grass, to swim in the seas, the rest in the shade, and to climb the highest mountains. He invites you to go outside with him, but you’re afraid. You’re comfortable in the box and the current relationship you have. What would happen if you undue the latch again and open the lid wide enough to go out? God is with you in the box, but he’s stuck in there with you. He won’t leave you alone in the box to go back out to the outside world if you choose not to go because he loves you. However, the only way he can fully shine and show you the truth is if you believe everything and let both of you out. You just have to choose to believe.
I always had a hard time believing in things. I was cynical and jaded, comfortable where I was at but craving more. I wanted to see outside of the box, I wanted to see Santa, but my own doubts held me back. I knew everything the light said was true, I just had a hard time believing it.
It’s been coming for some time, this realization. I see all the evidence around me, I hear it and see other’s basking in his love, but I still couldn’t believe it. Why? Was I waiting for a big strike of lightning to hit me and change the way I thought? Was I waiting for a gradual change? I wasn’t going to believe through either of those ways. Belief doesn’t work like that and neither does God. He always gives you a choice; he gives you choice to by knocking and asking to come in and now he gives you a choice to join him outside. I was just too afraid to lift that latch until now.
While in Cambodia, I paced my room the morning after talking with Kim, processing out loud everything that was going through my brain. I was struck by the realization that the only way to get past the wall I was at, to move forward in my relationship with Christ, to find joy in him, was to make the choice to just believe. It was scary, realizing that and standing at the edge of the cliff. I knew what I should do but I worried that if I said it and chose to believe, my heart would still be against me so I prayed to the Lord. While praying I remembered the image of the iceberg and of me punching it, I realized I was fed up! Fed up with myself, with my situation, and knew that if I ever wanted to change I needed to put in the effort, I had to help the Lord break down the wall I erected, I had to punch that Iceberg! Boy, I knew it would feel good if I did and I was right. I started declaring my beliefs in the Lord!
I believe I am his daughter! I believe I am a princess and a priestess! I believe Jesus died for ME and thought about ME on that cross! I believe I am beautiful, charming, kind, positive, exhilarating, courageous, and a leader! I believe the Holy Spirit lives in me! I believe the Lord speaks to me if I would just listen! I believe I can have an intimate and deeper relationship with him! I believe that my sins are forgiven! I believe that I am going to Heaven! I believe that the Lord can work through me in any way he chooses! I believe the Lord listens to me! I believe that he wants me on this Race! I believe he set me in the right team and to the right contacts! I believe in all the impossible sounding stories and miracles in the Bible! I believe he will provide for me in both fundraising and personal funds! I believe that he loves me!
And you know what, I feel rejuvenated. I feel like I have turned a corner. I feel that God is revealing himself more to me and I crave to learn more, to go deeper with him. I’m excited about our ministry and the way it’s pushing me. I want to try things I’ve never wanted to do before, like create lesson plans and teach English. I’m not worried about funds because I know the Lord provides for his children and it’s such a relief! I don’t feel weighted down by worries or doubt anymore. If Satan tries to bring them back, I just pray to the Lord and they’re gone! I feel free and safe.
Its a choice, he has always given us a choice. I believe! What do you believe in?
“One thing about trains: It doesn’t matter where they’re going. What matters is deciding to get on.”
