I’m not really sure what I should blog about right now. I just know that it’s been a while and that I probably need to make some sort of post. As someone who aspires to share the Gospel with the world via writing, that’s probably not a great thing to admit.
Anyway, here I sit.
I just finished typing a long overdue email to a friend, and I feel good about that accomplishment. But quite honestly, I think a part of me was delaying what I came here to do in the first place—blog.
The clock is ticking. I have an hour and a half before my third Skype date of the day, and I still no clue what I’m going to tell you.
Well, I’m lounging on a Thai cushion… on the floor, of course… at a beautiful turquoise painted wooden table across from Chelsey, my teammate, friend and fellow aspiring writer… under a thatched bamboo roof… on the Gulf of Thailand—like literally on top of it.
The restaurant projects over the water. There’s a nice breeze sweeping across the deck. And after a month of living in a concrete building in the African bush with no inspiration to write about anything (except the daily spilling of my guts onto the textured pages of the journal I purchased at an art store in Kiev), I have no excuse.
This place oozes inspiration. Color, language, culture, God's creation, coconut milk. At this very moment, I’m living the life. I promise I didn’t plan on using that many C words. It just happened.
Now I ask myself, “If you could say one thing—anything—to the world right now, what would it be?” And I answer, “Hmm, I’m going to go order a drink and think about it.”
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Be thankful. Be present. Be you.
That’s what I’d tell people. I could talk for days about those three statements, but I won’t. Mostly because I only have an hour.
Be thankful.
The Lord has blessed me beyond belief this year. Actually, He’s been blessing me my entire life. I just never realized it.
I woke up today in Koh Chang, Thailand. I met four friends on top of a hill and did yoga for 90 minutes as the sun rose over the ocean. I had a quiet breakfast on a porch and watched monkeys jump through the trees. (I think they were after my oats!) I listened to a sermon on suffering then had an hour-long conversation with my big sister. After that, I had another conversation with one of my dearest friends.
I’m sitting on the ocean in freaking Thailand across from a girl I met less than a year ago. She and I have been intentionally pursuing a friendship for a month (one month!), and she gets me. She’s there for me. She encourages me and challenges me and prays for me. Because that’s how community in the Kingdom of God works.
I woke up today with family and friends who love and support me. I woke up with conviction. I woke up with the Holy Spirit reminding me of conversations I still need to have with two people. I woke up with air in my lungs. I woke up to the unbearable heat, and I had an impeccable vinyasa session because of it.
I woke up to a God who pursues me and to three months of hard ministry ahead of me. I woke up to opportunity—opportunity to serve and love and grow and impact. I woke up to choice.
I decide. You decide, too. Choose thanks.
Be present.
Yow! That’s my new favorite word. Actually, I don’t think it’s a word. But whatever. I like it, and I like saying it—especially mid-standing split… as sweat pours into my eyes and I experience that subsequent love/hate feeling for my current state.
Someone should invent a word that means both “oh yeah!” and “hell no!” I’m going to put Kyle Stinnett in charge of that.
Anyway, I’m learning a lot about being present. We live in today, not tomorrow and not yesterday. Genius, huh? Yeah, not really. But it’s hard… and important.
With three months to go on the World Race, engagement is a huge topic of conversation. Not the married kind, the “be in your life” kind.
There are so many things to look forward to in life. But if we spend our lives looking forward to everything, we forget to enjoy things when they finally come to fruition. And if we forget to take joy in things (even the hard things, for our sufferings bear fruit too—see Romans 5:3-5), what’s the point in looking forward to anything?
Again… if we’re too busy looking to the future, we’ll never enjoy any of the things we've been anticipating. We’ll never be content, and we’ll likely always be chasing.
Let me give you an example. A year ago, I said all I wanted to do was travel the world in yoga pants with my camera and laptop. I think I even posted a Facebook status about it. And well, that’s basically what I’m doing. But last month, I caught myself saying, “All I want is to get where I’m going. To settle, start a family, plant roots, live a normal life.” Thank the good Lord for convicting me. Family, roots and normal life are coming. But doing ministry while I travel, do yoga, take pictures and write… that’s now.
Don’t miss it. Stop chasing. Engage. Dwell in today.
Be you.
This is a hard one for me. Thankfully, I have an amazing best friend who has an amazing husband. The two of them, along with my teammate Jesse, helped me navigate a painful lesson in vulnerability while I was in Ukraine (month 5). And it was good.
I learned I had been operating from behind walls for a long time—years, actually.
I’ve witnessed a lot of relational pain and abuse in my life. I’ve even endured some of my own. And somewhere along the way, I hardened.
By age 15 or 16, my mentality was, “I’m tough. I’m smart. And I can do pretty much anything on my own. I don’t need a man. And I don’t need anyone telling me what to do. Submission to God, to authority, or to a husband? No thanks.”
After a tough breakup at age 22, I was super cynical. I was in complete rebellion against God. I did what I wanted, when I wanted, with basically no regard for anyone else. For some time, the only emotion I ever experienced was anger. I never cried. I didn't really talk about any of my issues, and I had no idea how to truly love people. I was a wreck.
I had built up some major walls. They were thick. And I operated from behind them in my interactions with people to protect myself from injury.
I believe the Lord started tearing those walls down in 2012, but I started realizing the severity of my situation while in Ukraine. At one point, Daniel (my best friend’s husband) said to me, “Julie, vulnerability isn’t something you learn. It’s just getting back to your true self… to the person God created you to be.”
Maybe you know who that person is. Or like me, maybe you don’t. But one thing’s for sure—it’s a question worth asking. “Who am I, God? Who did you create me to be?” He’ll tell you. I promise. Then let Him show you how to be that person.
Take off the mask. Risk your heart, and choose vulnerability.
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Ok, wow. That was a lot longer than I expected it to be. I told you I could talk for days. I love all of you people dearly. I really do. I love the Lord, and I’m so thankful for this journey He has me on.
Please email or message me as you feel called to. I love hearing from people back home… and from people all around the world.
Well, it’s almost 3:30 in Thailand and time for my next date. So I’m going to go be me in my life now. Perhaps I'll be seeing you in three months… yow!
Peace,
Julie
