Hello friends!
Sometimes we only tell our stories once they are completed. When we can fine tune them and wrap them up with a bow. And only when we feel they are presentable enough, do we share them with others.
But this is my jumbled story. And I’m somewhere right in the middle of it. And I am inviting you guys into the mess. SO without any further adieu-here is my story; with no flow, no bow, and fo sho not finished.
I just got back from a 10 day training camp in Atlanta, Georgia. It’s hard to really say everything that happened or everything in my heart. Here is some of it:
Training camp was tough. It was tough because my prior views and beliefs about who God was were challenged. My heart felt confused and wide open. And there was no hiding it.
Training camp consisted of worship, long sessions, cold bucket showers, endless sweating, stuffy porta potties, and endless prayer.
It would we safe to say that every day at training camp consisted of me bawling my eyes out at some point. (Thank you Jesus for my amazing teammates and leaders) The reason I share that isn’t just to say I was sad or felt super spiritual or something. Honestly, I didn’t feel either of those. I am not even 100% sure what Jesus was speaking to my heart. I feltlike I was saying, “Lord, WHAT!? Here I am! What are you doing to me!? I don’t have anything left to give!”
I learned (and began to really believe) that my relationship with Jesus is unique. And he is okay with me being in this emotional state of confusion. He wants to grow me and for me to keep pressing in to him. And so this is what I am striving towards. I know that God desires to use me in ways that I don’t even understand or can’t comprehend yet. It is certainly a rocky and bumpy journey as I fight with God. I tell him, “I can’t” And with love he replies, “I created you for it. It’s already in you.” And so I press on; all confused and unsure, but learning to be confident and steadfast. He has already created me to be who he is currently shaping me into. He is equipping me. And when I start to stray from it, he nudges me back. And then reveals himself more and more to me.
God doesn’t need me. His will can be accomplished without me. But He wants to be able to use me because He loves me so much. And because of that, he keeps on chasing me down and pulling me closer.
God doesn’t need you. But He wants you so bad!! Hewants to love on you, and mold you into who he created you to be.
Is there anything that God has been speaking to you? Something He has placed in your heart, that maybe you’ve been putting aside. Just because you don’t understand it all, doesn’t mean you have to toss it to the side. Press in. He loves you. He wants you. Say “yes” to him, and your life will never be the same.
thanks for reading,
Jules
