I’m not sure exactly what I expected coming on the race. I knew that i would be spreading the gospel and that it would challenge me. But when I used to think of challenging, I didn’t think “my beliefs, abilities, and everything I know to be true is about to be challenged.” Now hang on a sec- this doesn’t mean that this is the case for ‘everyone ever.’ But for me personally, I felt like I was uprooted and shaken around. And it hurt. And it’s the best thing that could’ve happened. Here are a few things it’s taught me:
- Community is complicated
Being around 20+ people all the time really teaches you how to love. Like, REALLY LOVE. Not say, “I’ll like you until you hurt my feelings” or “you don’t deserve my affection so I’m leaving” or “I will ignore you until I feel like loving you again”. That’s not real love. That’s selfish and manipulative. And I’m STILL on the journey of learning that. Real friendships are painful because you learn each-others crap. But constantly being challenged in this community has taught me that the joy of being known surpasses the pain of getting there by a bajillion and one.
- People are worth it
It took me a hot sec to learn this one. Still working on it.
I questioned so much “why am I even here?” And “this feels pointless”. And “I’m being more hurtful than helpful”. Don’t get me wrong, it can be healthy to doubt and question I believe it leads to more discovery and a deeper knowledge of who God is.
On one occasion I was having a lot of doubts and questioning why Hid would make us in the first place. I was talking with my friend Phillip and he said, “maybe God just knows we are worth it.” And that was the beginning of mind shift and heart shift. And of me learning why I’m on the race at all: because I’m worth it God and so is everyone else. So if that’s true, then everyone is worth it to me. So I’m HAVE to say the name of Jesus everywhere I go because I believe what I believe and everyone around me is worth it to God.
- God speaks
Also still working on this one (there’s a theme here. Always. Learning.)
Coming to understand and believe more and more that I’m worth it to God and that
He’s worthy of my praise leads me to a place of: “wow God, then you must want to be close and talk with me”. And that’s true. I believe God is speaking all the time. But that doesn’t mean I’m always listening.
Honestly, if you’ve read this far into my blog or skimmed it, that’s okay. But DON’T MISS THIS: God wants to speak to you and sit with you. He loves you for real.
I know I believe these three things to be true. And I certainly don’t say any of them carelessly. But more so, from the very depths of my being- you are loved by a good God.
He’s been teaching me a lot.
Thanks for reading.
As always,
Jules
