Hey friends, family and strangers!
Training Camp tore me down and built me up in the most beautiful and frustrating ways possible.
World Race training camp is meant to prepare us, future racers, to be a part of unknown communities, make disciples from around the world, and have an intimacy with the Father in unfamiliar cultures before they throw us onto the mission field come September. Training camp is in Gainsville, Georgia for 10 days in the middle of July. It consists of sleeping in tents, taking bucket showers, going to the bathroom in porta-potties, eating strange foods and living in the Georgia humidity. I knew all of this going in, so I am not sure why I had the preconceived notion that training camp would simply be fun, because for me, it wasn’t. For me, it was hard. It pulled me off of my high horse and threw me on the ground. It stripped me of all of my self-confidence and pride. It unwillingly dragged me outside of my comfort zone and left me there. It told me, “You’re a fool if you think you can do this by yourself.” In the moment, training camp was the worst. Looking back, it was the absolute best thing for me.
The first night at camp, I did not sleep for a minute. I sat, trapped in my tent, sweating profusely as it poured around me, wondering what the heck I was doing there. I thought, “I cannot do this for nine more nights let alone nine months… I miss my mom, I miss air conditioning, I am not ready to live a season of abandonment, I want my comfort back.”
I am normally a pretty joyful human being, I’m hyper, I see the good in most situations, I laugh a lot, and I love to be with people- but the things I was feeling at camp were not any of these things. Instead, I was feeling more anxious, fearful, and homesick than I ever had before. I was miserable at camp and I felt like God was calling me home and away from the race. I thought that He would have equipped me better if this was really His plan for me.
After five days of misery (not to be dramatic lol), I finally decided I was for sure going home. Training camp is not that big of a deal- I could handle not enjoying ten days of my life, but not enjoying nine months of my life… oof that is scary. So, I told one of my friends, Anna, everything that I was feeling and that I was going home. I said, “There’s no reason I should be this miserable if God wanted me here. I want to feel myself again. I want to feel joyful again!” I felt more confident than ever in my decision of going home and planned to tell my mom to book the soonest flight from Atlanta to Indy when I talked to her next.
RIGHT before I got my phone back to call my mom one of my team leaders, Fran (she’s the coolest), came up to me and said that God had given her a word for me. She said, “God wants to redefine the word joy for you in this next season of your life. I don’t know what that means for you, but He said you are going to have to go through some pretty low valleys to experience mountain tops.” MAY I REMIND YOU THAT I JUST GOT FINISHED TELLING MY FRIEND THAT I DIDN’T FEEL JOY AND THAT IS WHY I THOUGHT I NEEDED TO GO HOME. At first, I was kind of annoyed that God was giving me mixed signals, but then I realized he was being as clear and consistent as always- I was just being forgetful.
I forgot that our God is a God of peace, faithfulness and abundant life to the full. I forgot that the devil seeks to kill, steal and destroy. I thought that the feelings of fear and anxiety were coming from God, but I forgot He doesn’t work like that. Good thing, God often speaks to us through other people when we won’t shut up for long enough to listen to Him for ourselves.
After my conversation with Fran, I prayed for the joy that God wanted me to experience. I prayed for peace in where my feet are. I prayed for bravery for the World Race. And again, He has been faithful. He quickly answered my prayers and switched my entire outlook on the race, He said exactly what I needed to hear and He gave me comfort and a sense of home in Him. Even though I am still scared and sometimes I don’t want to go, I know the World Race is where God is calling me.
Training camp quickly made me realize that God doesn’t care what we feel or what we want… well He does care, but he cares about US more. He takes control because He has a plan for our lives that is better than we could ever imagine. When we surrender to Him, we give Him control because His ways are higher than our understanding. He sees things that we cannot see. He knows things that we do not know. For me, giving up control of my life and my decisions is so incredibly difficult, until I see His unfailing faithfulness shine through the things I didn’t want to do or let go of. He always reminds me that He is good.
All of that being said, I actually DID enjoy a lot of training camp (mostly after I gave into the fact I was supposed to be there). I learned so much about myself and ministry, made life-long friendships, saw a lot of those friends get baptized, worshipped like my life depended on it, witnessed miracles and healings, ate crickets and won a dodgeball tournament… These are some pics and mems from my 10 days on the rollercoaster that training camp was.
See you in South Africa
-Julia
